Monday 7 May 2018

Maternal mental health week

When I discovered I was pregnant, it came as a big shock. Not only was I abroad on my hen do and my wedding was in 3 weeks time, but I had been told at 20 that I may find it difficult to conceive, which was then confirmed even more so when I was 24 after some scans that delivered some bad news in regards to the effects endometriosis had on my insides.  I was actually talking to Elliott the other day, and discovered that he remembers the exact conversation that I do, and everything about it- where we were sat, what was said, what his thoughts were- a conversation about what would happen if we could never have children.  I have always wanted to adopt, Elliott is not so keen, we discussed all options and Elliott seemed so calm and collected with the fact that we may not be able to have our own children.  What I didn't know, was that this conversation echoed in his head for many years, and it really worried him.  He loved me, but also knew that he wanted to be a father more than anything else in the world.

Elliott has always been very paternal.  He has always said that the only goal in his life is to be a husband and a father. It would be a dream for him to be a stay at home dad (to 4 girls apparently!!!) I on the other hand, haven't.  I am the youngest in my family, so have never had that younger sibling to care for.  I have always said to people that I didn't think I wanted children; but that may have been partly due to what I knew about the problems with my ovaries and if people didn't think I was going to have children, then it stopped them from asking questions of 'when'.

I don't think the shock of finding out you're pregnant really sets in during the whole 9 months, especially with your first baby.  I remember just not believing I had actually managed to get pregnant.  Even the doctor was surprised; she said to us 'you may not be so lucky next time' and I remember thinking "next time?!" I don't care about a next time I am pregnant now! While at the doctors, I left the room to fill in forms while Elliott spoke to the doctor about our honeymoon and any possibilities of me contracting Zika virus. (Elliott booked our honeymoon and didn't tell me where we were going until the day we went so wanted to keep it a surprise.) Once we were back from our honeymoon in Bali, we had an early scan when I was 10 weeks which confirmed that I was in fact pregnant and baby was well.  During this scan the sonographer mentioned about the strange positioning of one of my ovaries and that along with the sound of a baby's heartbeat just made me realise how lucky I had been.

Whether it was this, hormones, or both, this period of time was the happiest I had ever been.  I LOVED being pregnant. I was so focused on being happy and positive that if Elliott ever said anything negative I would be like 'stop right now, no negativity around me please!!!' I was conscious of this feeling that I had and I never ever wanted it to go away.  This happiness was just the most precious thing to me.  I had absolutely no concerns of the way I would feel in the slightest.  I was worried about being a mum of course, I wondered if I would be a good mum, whether I would know 'what to do' or if I would be able to breastfeed, but I didn't worry about bonding with my baby or feeling down in any way once the baby was born. My confidence in becoming a mother was ok; I had 2 nieces and 2 nephews and I had been very hands on with them.  I had actually cared for my eldest niece Marnie when my sister went back to work on my days off uni when she was 6 months until she was 18 months old, and had confidently done so.  I had always thought I was very good at it, actually.  In fact it was one of the very few things I had ever thought I was good at.

I worked until about 39 weeks until the midwife told me I had to stop. I had been in 'pre-labour' for over 3 weeks- I had been having a 'show' every day, some days I had up to 3 or 4 a day, and I had to go to hospital twice for bleeding during this time.  I remember not being ready to stop work.  I wanted to work as long as I could, while I still could.  I loved to work.  I am a workaholic.

At 39 + 5 my waters broke, which turned into 2 days in labour, and 2 inductions to get things going.  My baby girl 'Bonnie Evelyn' was born on the night of her due date.  We were thrilled- our baby had arrived safely, and we had the baby girl we had always wanted which was just the icing on the cake. (We kept the gender a surprise)

But something did not feel right- I put it down to the shock and trauma of just having a baby and concentrated on trying to get to grips with everything newborn.  As the weeks passed, I was not feeling this rush of love I had heard so much about , I was not feeling the bond with my baby I was so sure would be instant- and I was just seeing her as this thing that had come into my life and put a stop to everything I once had, I had given up everything and had this baby in its place. We had moved into our new house exactly 9 months before Bonnie was born, and I remember when she was 2 weeks old, we went for a walk and looked up at our old flat and I just cried- I wanted to be back to where I was then. I remember so clearly thinking 'what have I done'.  It was like I had given birth to not only a 7lbs 4 baby, but also all of that happiness too.

This all got worse when Bonnie was 3 weeks old and it was time for Elliott to return to work. This week coincided with the start of her colic and reflux and I craved the life I had before giving birth more than ever.  I have never been a jealous person- but the feeling I had when my husband left for work in the morning was pure jealousy- yes his life had changed too, but here he was, just 3 weeks after we had had a baby and he had normality back in his life. I had given up everything and there he was doing something he had done, in the same body that he had just literally weeks ago. In my mind, I knew it was unreasonable to think but it just wasn't fair.  Coming home from work was hard for him, I know that.  A screaming baby (who literally didn't stop) and a wife who was broken.  This was also the stage where I was starting to worry that my mind would never be the same again- I still thought I had 2 babies, often waking in the night to search for the missing one, often in places like the wardrobe or bed sheets.  I put this down to the fact that I had had this amazingly content baby for the first 3 weeks, then all of a sudden this screaming baby who literally didn't.stop. It was like 2 completely different babies. It took around 10 weeks I think to stop thinking there was this 'other' baby.

I was lucky that Bonnie was a good sleeper; she slept a straight 8/9 hours from day one. I fed her in her sleep for the first week but then she wasn't interested, which is probably what affected my supply. My boobs would be so sore and full in the mornings. Pumping didn't work for me and I was starting to hate breastfeeding.  But it was the only thing I didn't seem to be 'failing' at as up to now I felt like a complete 'failure' of a mother.  But I persevered. I'm going to be honest, hated breastfeeding,  I hated the fact that she depended on me so much more than her father, and that I couldn't just leave the house when I wanted.  I would sometimes just stare at my front door remembering all those times I could have just left on my own that I took for granted- but I didn't have a bond with my baby and I needed this to happen and fast. I felt like this was the only way to get it as that is what had been drummed in to me so the feeding continued for 10 months until I finally could let go. The weight off my shoulders when I finally stopped was amazing. I always put Bonnie sleeping through the night down to being the thing that saved me.  Saying this, it did mean she rarely napped in the day, which meant I had hardly any of the 'me time' that I so desperately craved. The odd 'bad' night that I did have meant I was mentally at my worst the following day and on one particular day, I turned up to baby sensory, late as usual, in tears and unable to settle my baby. Thankfully I knew a lot of people in that group, and a good friend from my antenatal group took it upon herself to come over and 'swap' our babies- she knew I just needed to have Bonnie taken away from me even just for 5 minutes.  I felt so guilty for leaving her with my screaming baby while her baby was being so content. It was actually in a sensory class that I sat and planned the way I would end my life.  I saw all of these amazing mothers sat around me- they were all obsessed with their babies, obsessed with them- as they should be, the bond they had was strong, and between me and my baby was just emptiness compared with that. To me, by far, I was the worst mother in the room.  In every single room I was ever in.

My mentality got worse as time went on, I was waking up everyday just wishing for the day to end before I'd even got up. I now knew that this wasn't just the 'baby blues' and I had Post Natal Depression. I am so so ashamed to admit that was never a 'believer' of depression; I always put it down to people just not being able to 'cope' when the going got tough.  If anyone claimed to have post natal depression, I would assume they just didn't know how lucky they were.  I would see posts from people with depression and think that it was an attention seeking act; that if this 'depression' was in fact a real thing, then they should just get on with it quietly.  Now thats come back to bite me right on the ass as I now know how important it is to talk and be open so that people don't feel so alone.  Thats why I am so open about my struggles; I have had so much support when I have been open.  We live in a world that is heavily dominated by glossy social media pages.  Pages that are colour coordinated, pictures filtered and posed to every inch of its life- mums that not only 'have it all' but have it all together, too. Let's face it; depression isn't popular, thats not what people want to see, but remember that's a 'brand' not a life, and a lot of these people do this for work.  Depression does not get likes and follows, but that is never what the aim was for me anyway, so I will carry on being honest and open to anyone who will listen. Scroll through Instagram as much as you very well like mama, but do it so with a pinch of salt and an open mind. Months ago, I unfollowed every single one of those glossy accounts, no offence to them at all as mamas gotta bring home the bacon somehow, but as soon as I did that, Instagram suddenly became a lot more real and well, fun again.

Once I had come to terms that I what I had was in fact, depression I then picked up the phone and called my doctor.  The receptionist asked the dreaded question I was hoping and wishing she wouldn't ask- "what is it concerning?" and I answered sheepishly "um, itsmymentalhealth" to that I assumed I would be put to the bottom of the pile, but I was seen the next day.  Speaking to the doctor was the start of my recovery.  The fact that I had hope that things would now get better from this point did my mind the world of good. I had always said to myself I would never take medication when it came to my mental health, but at this point I was willing to try anything to stop feeling the way I felt.  The doctor was a young lady, very pretty, and most importantly, she had a calm, empathetic way about her.  She thought my case was quite severe and she said that she wanted to see me every week- this was due to the fact that I had planned my suicide. I surprised myself actually when I was telling her my 'plan'; I was telling her about it so matter of factly, no emotion included- but it gave me a shock- this plan was so intricate and detailed-a lot more than I had realised.  I had obviously been thinking about it a lot more than I had originally thought I had. I was given a prescription on my first visit and I loitered around the pharmacy for a good 5 minutes before I had the courage to hand it in.  What if some one sees it? What would they think,? I felt like I wanted to tell the pharmacist my life story while giving in this slip of paper, just so they could see how many times in my life I had 'coped' before and I don't normally just fall apart when things got tough. This, was just a 'blip'.  A change in hormones that hadn't agreed with me.  When I went to collect the prescription, I had talked myself out of being so silly- they probably see hundreds of these slips a day and they are not going to care what I'm taking and why- all they care about is that I'm getting what Ive been prescribed at the right dose.  I picked up my prescription, heart still beating faster than normal, but feeling a lot more rational.  The pharmacist asked the usual questions, date of birth, address, name, have you taken these before to which I replied no.  As she handed them over to me, she said "these will really help, you will start feeling better very soon. I looked at her, nodded, took my little paper parcel of pills and left quickly with my head down.  I was so ashamed.  I was defeated.

The minute I got home, I took the first pill. If these were going to make me better, I wanted them to work as soon as possible.  I sat and reflected on the past year, then took to Instagram to see if I could find any one like me.  I hashtagged sertraline and started scrolling- am I weird? I wanted to find some one just like me- some one who appeared normal and had no shame in telling people that they needed a little help in the form of a pill to get by on the daily.  I found it hard to find if I'm honest.

So where am I now? Well Ive had an exciting year with the launch of my shop- something I have been working hard to try to do for years. I was actually in the doctors surgery the morning I got the keys for my very own shop- my dream- and I told the doctor it felt 'monotone' I should have been so excited, but I felt so flat.  But the excitement grows with every achievement as I learn that I am doing something I not only am good at, but I love.  I have been working hard- too hard and too much sometimes, but it really has helped (along with the pills) take my mind off things, keep busy and keep me feeling 'me' again which I never thought I would.  It took about 2 weeks for the pills to start to make a difference, maybe even sooner than that.  I was saying to the doctor that me being the sceptic I am, I thought they had more of a placebo effect than actually 'working' but hey, whether thats the case or not, they work.  Last week, during maternal mental health week, I took the plunge and told the world of social media that I needed that little help and that in fact I am not ok.  I felt so inspired reading others stories and wanted to share mine to show that no one is alone. Its ok not to be ok. The next step for me is going down the therapy route, trying to find some more time for self care, and building my self confidence.  The newborn stage wasn't for me- I hate saying it, but its true.  From 6 months old I really started to enjoy my daughter- I saw less of what I no longer had and more of what she has brought to my life.  She is my sunshine, my light, and funnily enough, she is the making of me.

AML 

LaLa 
   x



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Tuesday 23 January 2018

Bonnie is One!

A Whole Year 



Another first birthday blog post, another mention about how time flies.  Its an odd feeling as although I am in absolute agreement that the past year certainly has gone by in an instant, on the other hand it seems like a lifetime ago that I was childless. A self tanning, cocktail drinking, lie in on a Sunday kinda girl. Then theres the 'mummy insomnia' as I like to refer to it as.  The feeling that time has flown: however looking back, I'm not totally sure I remember a lot of it! Its all just feels like a bit of a blur. Then comes the emotions.  The fact that you cannot believe your precious baby is a whole year old. You look back at the squishy new born photos and just want to cry because 'look at how much she's grown!' Then the guilt, which of course has to rear its head as that's just a part of parenting.  'Could I have embraced the time when she was that small more?' and then the realisation that YES you have done it.  You have Done the whole parenting thing for a whole year which just seems like a miracle when you think back to taking this baby home and wonder how you could do it for a day but a year- a whole fucking year. (Here's your cue, by the way, to pop open that bottle of champagne you've got in your cupboard because you bloody well deserve it)



Thats the thing, first birthdays.  Of course you celebrate your little ones special day, their first ever birthday, but really they do not have a clue the significance and actually its a good chance to celebrate your first year with your new addition as a family.  Celebrate your achievements as parents and reflect on the past year- the good times, the hard and even where you are today as those good times and hard have got you right there.



Bonnie's birthday is 29th December. She was born bang on her due date with a little help from 2 inductions and absolutely no help from a failed epidural ( having to go through the fuss of having that done then having to carry on without the pain relief anyway was not what I had in mind) actually none of it is what I had in mind, but I'll end there as that is the most information about my birth you're going to get from me-ever! She arrived at 7:42pm, weighed 7lbs 4 and was absolutely perfect.



This year being the first, gave us an insight to how manic December is going to be in our lives for a very long time.  4 days after Christmas- I must admit it wasn't the best timing on our part. (Sorry Bon!). We took the tree down on the 28th and put up the birthday balloons and she was greeted when she woke up to a huge inflatable 'Sofia the First' staring at her while she ate her breakfast.






We had a lovely day on her birthday just the 3 of us, it was raining so we took her to a soft play, on the carousel and to Wagamama's. (Her favourite!)We also started a new tradition- where Elliott and I both wrote down what we thought Bonnie was going to be when she grew up. I said she was going to be preforming on stage as she loves music and singing and dancing and Elliott said she was going to be in the music industry.  We'll do the same every year. 




Woodland themed birthday party 







Woodland cakes from Waitrose 


Hedgehog cake from M&S







Teepee from Hobby Craft 


The children put their handprints on a canvas for Bonnie 

Cake smash 

I'm not actually sure I can officially call this a 'cake smash' as she didn't get that messy but I didn't have that long until I had to leave the house! I am however happy with how they turned out seeing as I did them on my own at home. 

         


        







To achieve this, I used the balloon from her party (that was deflating by the second!) Some Christmas lights that I put behind an IKEA white curtain, balloons and a 'decorate your own cake' that was in the reduced section at Waitrose that day that I just put pink icing and hunters and thousands on. I blew up some balloons, set it all up in front of the window, told my nephew who I had for the day that we were having another birthday party for Bon and voila.  I used a Canon EOS M100 for the photos.

Here's to the next year! 


AML Lala x










Friday 10 November 2017

Anxiety and me

It was my first day of Rainbows.  I was really excited as I remember telling my mum about how my friends had started going to Rainbows and she replied 'would you like to go?' just like that. No 'we'll see' or 'maybe next term' or 'let's see how you get on with tap dancing', she just gave me the green light there and then.  My mum was very like that growing up.  She always gave us the option to try as much as we possibly could.  She let me and my sisters make our own decisions and follow our own paths, which is probably one of the reasons why you would not get 3 people so different if you tried! People often assume my sisters are my half sisters because we are all so different- and I definitely put that down to the way my mother so independently brought us up. We were very much 'left to it' in a good way.  So off I went into the village hall and met my friends.  Around half way in to the session, we all sat down and had a biscuit.  A lovely bourbon, which I'm still a fan of now, although more so the whiskey kind than biscuit.  As we were all eating our biscuit, I could hear myself chewing and the sound got louder and louder.  Moving my mouth in all sorts of silly positions, I was very aware that I was making a lot of noise and I was desperate to make it stop and to sound like everyone else.  All of a sudden, I felt as though everyone was watching me, listening to me, mocking me.  I felt as though I didn't want to come back because next time no one would want to sit with me because I ate my biscuit too loud.  I felt as though my friends now didn't like me as I didn't fit in with the quieter biscuit eaters.  I was 5.

That is the first memory that I have of my anxiety.  I believe it has always been with me as I can't remember a time where I haven't had anxiety following me around.  I was always described as a 'worried child'. I constantly had that worried look on my face and well, I was constantly worrying.  Every time I was away from my parents, I would assume they were going to be in an accident, I would look out of the window and check the car on the drive several times a day to check if there was a bomb under it (thanks to an episode of casualty that I had seen) if I got into the car and hadn't had a chance to check the underneath, I would be so nervous for the whole journey.  Every year, my mother used to take me to London to visit my aunt which I loved. Once we were on Oxford street and were caught in the middle of a bomb scare.  I remember thinking it was great as my mum took us to McDonalds as the street was closed off which was a novelty; but something must have frightened me deep down as every visit to London afterwards resulted in an inner panic- most of the time assuming that there was a bomb under every chair I sat on. I remember sitting in the theatre trying to make myself enjoy the show, but I couldn't as I was convinced that I was going to die.  Even though I didn't share much of these thoughts and feelings with my parents, they knew I was a 'worrier' to the point where they kept a lot from me to try and help me to stop worrying. I never told them that I knew a lot more than they thought I did including my dad battling cancer- which they tried so hard to keep from me to protect my feelings, so I never shared with them that I knew.  Even now, every time I get a phone call from a member of my family I think it is to tell me that my dad has passed away because he has been ill. My dad worked away and one day he brought me back a 'worry doll' from Thailand. I used to whisper my worries into the doll and put it under my pillow at night in hope my worries would go away.  I found this very comforting- I used it every single night- if you are reading this and have a child who is anxious, I highly recommend a 'worry doll'.

Growing up with anxiety, I have started to know what my triggers are.  One in which is social media, which I know- is very ironic. I know exactly where this has come from.  Through school, I didn't have a problem making friends.  I wouldn't say I loved school, but definitely didn't hate it.  I was always conscious of fitting in, planned my non school uniform day outfit weeks in advance and bar the odd nasty comment every now and again which you get as a teenager, I never had a problem with bullying of any kind.  Fast forward to when I was 17 and at sixth form.  I was bullied terribly.  I really feel for anyone who is bullied online, as I remember feeling as though there was no escape.  I would get it at college, then would come home and get it worse online.  My peers would never say anything to these peoples faces, but many of them printed out pages and pages of what was said online and hand it in to a teacher- confidentially of course.  The main culprit would be suspended every now and again (which they would boast on myspace about) and then would be back with a vengeance- you see when the school is getting a good fee from a pupil attending there, theres not much exclusion that goes on.  My mum would tell me not to look at it- but how could I not? Its soooo hard when you KNOW it's happening at that very moment.  Everyone could see what was being said, and it would only make me more anxious not knowing what was being written about me for the world to see, and what everyone was talking about in the canteen. I felt like an idiot anyway, (I was 17 and being badly bullied, I thought it just happened to young kids) so I may as well have felt like an idiot and knew what people were saying about me and my family. What made it worse is they were making comments about my mum- who had recently had chemo and radiotherapy for her breast cancer and they were mocking her for her appearance as she had lost her hair and had a mastectomy. I then had to pretend to her it had all stopped as I did not want her to see or hear anything that was being said- she had gone through enough already to have to endure that.
Recently, I read a comment about me on a web site and all of those feelings came flooding back. It was literally like I was back in sixth form and it changed social media for me and the way that `I saw it.  If you don't already know, I did some investigating, found out who it was and outed them.  I did get an apology from her, however she said that the comments can't be deleted; so basically what she has done, is left a conversation about me open for anyone to join in with.  To this day that still makes me very anxious. What was the worst for me is that this person was messaging me advice, commenting words of encouragement on my photos, and I really did think that she was just one of those insta-mums that you feel as though you were 'all in this together' with.  That bought me right back down to earth and made me realise that you do not know who the hell you were talking to online, which pretty much popped my little social media bubble.
Another trigger is alcohol.  I am not a big drinker as I know that this causes me anxiety, but in my party days, I was never really the kind of person who could sit and laugh about a night out the morning after. Well I did, but inside I was anxiety city.  Caffeine is another one which I have recently realised, too.
Phobias is another one that dominates me when I am having a bad spell of anxiety.  I have arachnophobia and also a fear of bananas which is linked to that, which is always laughed at making me feel pretty shit really.  I have a routine every night that I HAVE to do where I will check for spiders and I also do the same when using any towel- I have to hold it up, check both sides and shake 2 times. If I see a big spider it will stay with me for weeks and I will feel like its crawling over me for days, and that normally starts off a bad spell of anxiety for me.

Motherhood is a trigger that is a whole different ball game. I do think that anxiety along with the dreaded mum guilt does come as a package with being a parent for most people, which makes it difficult to determine whats a healthy 'normal' dose of anxiety and whats not.  For me, the key moment was when I was walking down the stairs with my baby and the normal thoughts were going through my head of what would happen if I fell etc that I just couldn't walk down the stairs any longer- so I sat on the stairs and bum shuffled the whole way down holding my baby close to my chest.  My anxiety was there in full force- so much so that it literally had me on the floor.  I didn't trust myself to walk down the stairs several times when Bonnie was small. Being on maternity leave is hard at times (read my blog post on maternity leave) and you are spending most of the time with people you hardly know which can be really hard for most people, let alone those with any form of social anxiety.  Yes, I went to lots of baby groups and meet ups but I had to literally make myself do this for my own sanity.

Thanks to the fact that more people are talking about anxiety, I have realised a lot about myself and have found answers to why I am the way I am and more importantly, that I am not alone. Which is the main reason for this blog post- you are not alone. A lot of people are surprised to learn all of this- watching me on my Insta Stories, or seeing me chatting away at a baby group, I know I must seem confident but deep down I struggle so much socially. Unlike what many may think, I hate being centre of attention (I didn't realise this fully until my wedding day and I struggled a lot)and it takes a lot to have the confidence to turn up to things. Even dropping my daughter off at nursery I feel as though everyone's like 'that's the bad mum I was talking to you about'. Social situations like eating in a restaurant I hate as I feel as though people are judging what I'm eating as I am fat. On the outside, I'm chatting away to other mums at a group, or I'm waffling to my phone, but inside a lot of the time I am that 5 year old girl at her first session of Rainbows.
Over the years, my number of friends has dwindled, but the friendships I have have strengthened. I have a good group of friends and I feel lucky to be able to say that.  That doesn't stop me thinking that every one of my friends dislikes me, are only inviting me to things because they feel as though they have to, or are laughing at me behind my back.  It sounds so silly to me as I am writing it down but it's true.  I know in my head that its ridiculous, but I do feel that way. I constantly feel like I am not good enough. Over the years I have met friends online, but I am always thinking 'am I pestering them' 'do they think I'm weird' or 'are they screen grabbing my messages and laughing at them with someone else' about literally every message I send. I'm so anxious about people reading this blog even, and them thinking that I'm feeling sorry for myself, or that I am not emotionally stable or that I'm weird, the anxiety I get when someone I know in real life starts following me on my blogging Instagram and the thought that they are sat there laughing at me and my ramblings on my stories, I basically have a constant fear of being judged. I know I am a nice person.  I like to do things to help people, but I feel as though everyone else sees everything that's bad about me and not the good.

The reason for this blog post is not to make you feel sorry for me at all, it's not because I'm self obsessed, or dramatic, it's because for most of my life I didn't even realise this was a thing! I didn't get the whole anxiety thing and only recently have I realised that it's something I can get help for. And most importantly, that I'm certainly not alone. 

A.M.L 

LaLa 
X




Friday 3 November 2017

Things I find awkward #285- The hairdressers



Here’s 12 reasons why being at the hairdressers is so god damn awkward:

  1. The magazines in the waiting area are wasted on me as I am never there with enough time to spare to sit and read them. In fact, I am a big fat sweaty rushed mess when I get there. If anything, I am late- (yep I'm that customer all hairdressers hate!) making all their other appointments late, which is just, well, awkward.

2. Anyone else practice what they are going to say/ ask for before they go in and then when its your cue you just blurt out some random crap and then end up making out you're not fussed and you're happy for them to do whatever??


3.The pile of magazines they give you. The variety is unreal. However you feel as it's a test and you will be judged on your choice. You choose wisely. You sit and hazily read 'vanity fair' or 'ELLE' when you know full well you're desperate to know the rest of the story advertised on the front of 'pick me up'.



4.The sweat mark on the chair when you stand up. I don't need to elaborate, you've all heard me speak about this before. ("Would you like to come over to the sink and I'll wash your colour off??" NO I DO NOT.)


5. Always hungry. Note to self: bring snacks to salon. 

6. The fact you have to sit and stare at yourself for hours. I mean, where do you even look?? You can't bear to look at your wet drowned rat head for much longer, so you watch the hair dresser until you feel like a psycho watching their every move.  You don't want them thinking you're some kind of control freak (even if you totally are) so you just pick up the same magazine and pretend to read it even though you've read it twice already to avoid all awkward eye contact.

7. 'Is the temperature ok for you?'  "Yes perfect thanks". 🤦🏼‍♀️(Oh Susan do you have to rub the fuck out of my forehead while washing my hair? You're washing off my make up and I've got somewhere to be 🙋🏼and by the way, yes that waters too hot, it's SCALDING me.)



8. When you're getting your 'relaxing head massage' do you close your eyes to be polite and show that you like it? Or does that make you look like you're enjoying it TOO much? But then you open your eyes and you're all starey Mary 👀

9. When you're getting your hair blow dried and even if you love it you are convinced that the hairdresser thinks you hate it and you just don't know what to do with your facial expression. Do I look away? Do I look in the mirror and just watch as it dries hair by freakin hair?? Since when did my hair take so long to dry?!! 😩😩

10. I am never going to care what my hair looks like from the back. But I'll sure as hell have a good look in the mirror nodding enthusiastically when you do show me. 


11. No matter how much or how little you tip, you will always feel like a patronising cow. 

12. The awkward walk out of the hairdressers cos well everyone knows you've just come out the hairdressers and that's why your hair looks good then as soon as you're round the corner and it's out of sight you can be sassy as hell 💁🏼Like yeaaa I woke up like this 🙋🏼









Have I missed any? Or is it alllll just me???? Let me know in the comments below!!

A.M.L

LaLa 
x




Thursday 26 October 2017

Buying a new build: Everything you need to know before , during and after the buying process





Today, whilst talking about work on my Instagram stories, I mentioned that I used to work in new builds and I got so many messages with questions from people about the buying process which prompted me to write this blog post.  I feel like I can write well about this subject as I haven't just worked in new builds, but in my time I have personally bought 3 new build properties (all different developers) and also another property still under a NHBC warranty.  I have bought for myself as a first time buyer, I have bought while being in a chain and I have bought as an investor so I can write this from all perspectives.  However, I am going to focus on the journey as a first time buyer for the sake of this blog post.

I used to work for a very well known developer who, I must say, were pretty good to work for. However I do wish this blog post was anonymous in some ways as I would love to write absolutely everything about what happens when working for a developer, but they were good to me and I'd like to leave things on a positive note. (Plus my husband still works for them!) I will write as much as I think is possible I'll get away with!

Every development is so different, which obviously you will need to take into account when reading this. Still to this day I can't believe the difference of price of houses just a 10 minute drive away from me. Some areas are really sought after, others aren't and this will affect the buying process massively.

There are so many benefits of buying a new build.  If you are a first time buyer, you are not entering into a chain which means no fall throughs, it is significantly less stressful MOST of the time, you have a lovely brand new house you can put your own stamp on and there are some great schemes you can use to buy.

So you've seen the development, you love the area, you've spotted your dream house type and you know that you have finally found the place you would love to call home. You go into the development   and theres no availability. You're told that everything has sold until next year and you have been given such vague information as to if and when there will ever be a property come available that you leave the office feeling very, well- deflated. That is what happens daily to people when it comes to new builds. I think the reason why so many people are left disappointed, is because it just looks so easy- you go into an office, pick out the one you want, they start building it for you, and hey presto, 3 months later you are in. Unfortunately it doesn't always happen quite like that.
So heres a list of the most common things people get disappointed by:

"Why have all the best plots gone?"

Buying of land normally happens years before the launch of a development.  Most of the big developers have bought enough land to see them though for the next 10 years in fact.  Word gets around, planning applications are public and coming soon signage is erected all well before the first house is sold. There are certain areas that people have had their eye on for a long time and have made sure they are ready to pounce as soon as they are able to reserve.  Register your interest before the sales office opens and make sure you are at the opening of the development.  Keep an eye out though, some developments that are known are going to be popular start pre selling before the sales office or show homes are even opened.

"I was told that there were some plots going to be released today. It's 10am, surely they haven't sold that quickly?"

Let me tell you a true story. In the apartment block where myself and Elliott used to live, people would start queueing on Thursday night for a Saturday morning release. Thats right, they would camp on the sales office steps for their plot.

"I've been told I can't reserve my house as its not ready until next year??? I want to reserve it now!" 

A developer will not 'release' a plot until at least 6 months before it is ready to move in to. There are 2 main reasons why this is the case. Most mortgage offers only last for 6 months, and also they want to release prices that are right for the time.  For example, you wouldn't want to agree to buy a house that is due to be ready in 3 years time would you? You don't know what the market is going to be like, the house you have agreed to buy for £350k now could be worth £250k then. Its to protect both you and them. But mostly them.

"There's a house for sale and I want to buy it but I've been told to come back when my house has sold. The house isn't ready for another 6 months and I've been told it'll sell quickly"

If I had a pound for every time I'd heard an estate agent tell someone their house would 'sell quickly' I would be writing this blog post from a yacht in St Tropez with a glass of Crystal in my hand.  I don't know what it is about new builds that makes people think that the buying process is completely different to the second hand market.  You need to be SSTC (sold subject to contract) in order to reserve a plot on a new build development. Some developers require you to have exchanged contracts in order to reserve a plot.  Just as you need to be sold in order to purchase a house on the second hand market.  If your house isn't even on the market, theres really not much point in discussing any particular plot in detail with the developer. If its at least on the market, you will be taken a lot more seriously.

"I was hoping to Part exchange, but Ive been told this isn't possible?"

I've written more about this further down, but part exchange isn't always available and isn't for everyone. Its a good scheme, but the guidelines can be strict. Don't just assume you're going to be eligible.  Also, you are not going to be able to reserve there and then if you are wanting to do a PX. It normally takes a couple of days so be prepared for the plot to be swiped from you by some ready to go first time buyer or cash investor.

"They don't have the house type I am interested in as a show home. I don't want to buy without seeing what it looks like first" 

Many people see a particular house type for the first time when they open the door to their new home.  It is difficult to imagine without seeing a show home if you are not used to looking at technical drawings, I completely understand.  However I have never in my life either seen or heard of anyone being disappointed in their home choice once they have seen it. Normally there are ways to see a version of your home though, so don't worry.  Firstly, developers use the same house types across most of their developments, so ask the advisor if there is a show home of your house type nearby that you can book an appointment to see.  If you get no luck, then there are you tube channels specifically for house tours of show homes.  Just type in the name of the house type into the Youtube search box and you're away.  Bear in mind that layouts can change across the country and the exterior will look completely different.


"Why is the sales office/ show home closed? Ive come a long way!"

*Eye roll* Book an appointment and you will have access to the show homes.  What people fail to understand is that the sales offices are usually manned by one person at a time- who have appointments and meetings to attend, a lot of them out on site which could be quite far away, and the office cannot be open 24/7. The show homes look lovely, yes, but they do have to be snagged, painted and kept that way meaning they too cannot be open at all times. Ring ahead.

"Why am I not being told a move in date?"

Because your house is under construction.  Unfortunately there are many things that can affect when you move in that are just out of everyone's control.  Weather, labour shortage, and supply of materials to name a few. Also, if the developer is part of the NHBC, then until they sign off the house as 'build ready' the developer can not give you a date. So hold off on booking in that sofa delivery!

Securing your dream home

So after reading all that, I bet you're thinking buying a new build is a complicated and disappointing process? Not at all. Heres a step by step guide to buying a new home.

Launch day.
If you can make it to launch day, then I recommend you go on down.  It gives you a good chance to get to know the team, look at the show homes, speak to a mortgage advisor and theres normally food provided (you had me at food).  Obviously there is also the fact that you are there on the first day and can get first pick of plots if you're ready to reserve there and then.  I have known of some developers to do deals on launch day too if you reserve that weekend but I haven't seen this in a while. If you are looking to reserve on the first day, get there early if you know it is a popular area.

If the plot you want isn't going to be released for a while and you're prepared to wait, see if the sales advisor will give you some sort of 'early bird' reservation. It all depends on the development, and most of the time the advisor but it just means you can breathe a sigh of relief that you will be the first they call when its released. You will NOT be given a price, however the adviser should be able to let you know whether it should be within your budget. Be patient though- the fact that you have your name on it doesn't mean they will get round to building it sooner. And if they don't let you do any sort of early bird reservation? My best advice is to pester them in a really nice way! Book an appointment with the advisor for nearer to when the plot will be released to discuss the plot further, ask to look at some plans, call maybe once a week always saying your name and the plot number. By the time the plot is released you probably will be the first one that they call anyway as they have invested time in you and they know you want it you want them to think of your name as soon as that plot is mentioned. In order to have the best chance on securing the plot you want;

DO
Be nice! I'm not ashamed to say there have been a lot of people who have kicked off in my office or been rude to me in the past- and when the plot they want has been released did I call them? Did I hell. I'd much rather sell to a lovely first time buyer couple who I can enjoy handing the keys to than cash buyer dick head Nigel thats going to be a pain in the ass for months on end.  The sales adviser has a lot of power in regards to releases and who gets them.  Some even have a big input when it comes to pricing too. The good thing about this is if you're on a popular development, you're neighbours are all likely to be lovely!!

Be persistent- make sure that you call or email regularly to check how build is going.  If you are recognised by both name and face, if anything happens regarding the plot you want to reserve, you are more likely to hear of any build updates.  At this stage, keeping in touch to let them know that you are serious about buying will do you a lot of favours.

Be patient. You may have an early bird reservation which is great, but this doesn't really mean much in relation to all of the sales that are going through. The adviser has a lot to do to make sure that these sales all go through on time and to put it bluntly, until your plot is released, you are at the back of their minds. Just sit back, relax and just be happy that you are on the top of the list.

Be prepared with your mortgage.  Get a mortgage in principle, or at least be 'qualified' by a mortgage advisor, near to the time of reservation so that you can go ahead as soon as the plot is released.  In regards to mortgage advisors, I would go for whoever is recommended by the developer.  There are two things to look out for when getting mortgage advice- the first is to get someone who is free to use.  Mortgage advisors get paid via commission off the lender.  The details of this is written in your mortgage agreement. To charge is just plain naughty, and it makes you question how busy or good they are if they are charging people for their advice. Ive heard of people being charged £400 odd quid before which is insane!! The second is to make sure they are 'whole of market' so you are getting a fair choice and comparison.  A nationwide company you can use is London and Country- they will do everything over the phone and via email.  If you want a more personal service, go local.  If you are in the Gloucester, Swindon, Bristol, Taunton areas, Dupree mortgage solutions are a good one to use.

DON'T

Following on from my last point, don't expect to come in and spend hours in the office looking at plans and choosing your kitchen.  You will have all the time in the world to do this once you've properly reserved.  If you see it from the developers point of view, you haven't committed to anything yet. Even if YOU know you're definitely going to buy, for all they know you could refuse at price release. They are not going to do hours of appointments with you when they are not even sure you want to go ahead.  Once reserved, you book as many appointments as you like.

So what happens next?

So you get the call, you get the price and you would like to reserve! Being a first time buyer especially, this can be a very daunting experience for you. Here is a guide to what happens next-

Reservation

Firstly, all developers are different, but the one I worked for very rarely agreed to any deals.  I personally never gave anyone any deals on a sale but I was always on developments that were very in demand, so there was no point giving money off on a plot you had a waiting list of people that were willing to pay full price for.  However, I do know that a lot of developers price plots to give wiggle room for deals and I would always ask anyway as if you don't ask you don't get.  If they can't give you money off, ask if they would throw in something like flooring, or a kitchen upgrade.

ALSO before you step foot in the office to sign, check if there is anyone you know who has bought from the same developer before you.  Even put a Facebook status up or something on Instagram- you don't even really have to know the person but a lot of developers give you a 'recommend a friend' voucher on completion that gives you money off your plot and also gives them a cash reward so its win-win. (We've done it before and received a £1000 cheque off a developer just for recommending someone we met in the carpark so we didn't even know them.)  You will need to bring that voucher to the reservation appointment with you.

Reservation in the new build world is the equivalent to having an offer accepted on the second hand market. It is an agreement that you are purchasing a particular property for an agreed price. This agreement lasts for a month, (there will be an 'expiry date' on your reservation paperwork) and hopefully by then you would have exchanged contracts. Be prepared for the next 4 weeks to be very busy.

You will be invited in to the office to sign the reservation agreement and to pay the reservation fee.  This is normally £500 or £1000 depending on the developer.

You should also be given a rough build completion date normally given in months. (For example, you reserve in January, your rough completion date would most likely be May/June/July.)  This is all you're going to know for a while, I'm afraid.

Once the reservation is done, your next appointment will be very soon after. (Sometimes it is done at the reservation but again depends on where and who you're buying from.)  This appointment involves looking at plans of your property, the development as a whole and details that you need to know as a buyer.  You should come out of that appointment with confidence that you know everything you need to know about your house and development. If you don't, ask for another appointment.  The things that should be covered are as follows; (if they are not, then ask about them)

Conveyance plan- The conveyance of your plot is the plan that has the red lines that denote where your boundary is. You should be paying attention to this rather than the pretty development layout as this is how you'll know if the little path to your house is a shared access route (not likely, but if it is it will be highlighted in yellow) or if the little path of grass to the side of the house is actually owned by you (you'd think so, but stranger things have happened).  This plan also includes details such as street lighting where you will be able to see whether you have sufficient lighting for access or if you have a street light right outside the window you planned to have as your bedroom. The advisor is not allowed to give copies of these plans away but if you did want to take a sneaky picture 'without them looking' for future reference, then most should be ok with that.  Bear in mind though, these plans are revised all of the time, which is why you can't have a copy.  Normally the changes are so minimal you probably wouldn't ever notice, but if its anything affecting your plot or if its a big change to the development then they need to let you know.  For future reference, also note which side of the fence is your responsibility.  To see this, there will be a 'T' on the fence- if the 'T' is on your side of the garden, then that is your responsibility. It's normally the fence to the left. It will also show what roads and outside spade will be adopted by the local authority/council and which will be the care of the management company.

Management company- Even if you're freehold, there still might be a management charge.  This is usually no more than a couple of hundred pounds a year per plot (if freehold) and a lot more if your property is leasehold. (Normally apartments) Their role is to maintain the development once the builders are gone- a lot of new build developments have outside space, some have play parks, outside gyms and allotments for example.  Someone needs to maintain these and unfortunately most councils won't have any responsibility for them now which is why management companies need to be appointed. Don't be surprised that you have to pay this- most new build developments will have management companies now and to be honest, it means that the development stays looking fresh in years to come and doesn't deteriorate. Well, it should do.  I have dealt with many management companies in my time- some have been really impressive and some have been awful.  You should find that if they have been appointed by a well known developer then you shouldn't have any issues.  The main question I was asked about the management fee is if it will change and the and the answer is-most likely.  The management company should maintain all areas that they are responsible for and provide you with a run down of costs at the end of the year. If they overspend, your fee will go up the following year.  You should find that this shouldn't happen for a good few years, as they should underspend for the first few years because the development is brand new so the rest of the money goes into a 'sinking fund' to compensate for overspending.  So what happens if you are not happy with the management company? Technically speaking, you can appoint a new one, but I am getting way too legal now, and what I would say is your solicitor will give you all the information you need.

Social Housing- (Also known as affordable housing or housing association.)
This is a funny one. Its something that has caused many debates in my office I can tell you that! However you do need to be given all of the details regarding these plots when you reserve.  I used to get tons of 'know it alls' in my office waltzing in to tell me how its 'such a shame' that we 'have' to have some of our plots as social, and then they'd spend 5 fucking hours in the show home then another 10 telling me about how much bigger their own house is and then they'd walk out feeling pretty smug. What that person doesn't realise is they most likely have social housing on the same street as where they live, its just not on a massive development layout for every member of public to see. This is the way I see it- you could be living next to the biggest house on the development, it could have been a cash purchase by Mr Moneybags and he could be a complete nightmare.  Or you could be living next to a family in an HA plot who are also a nightmare.  The difference is you can't do much about Mr Moneybags, he owns his house.  What you can do is go to the housing authority about the HA plot and they do take action on any anti social behaviour.  If it continues, they are moved from the development. I have seen this happen twice so it does happen. I do see it as a positive, I personally would like my daughter to play with lots of different kids from all walks of life at the local park not just kids who's parents were lucky enough to have enough deposit for a new build. I have seen some fantastic communities built with a mix of HA and private plots.  There is not a certain percentage that needs to be HA- it all depends what is needed in the area.  This percentage includes shared ownership which I have written more about later on in this post under 'schemes'.

Plot specific plans-
When you are looking at your plan for your plot, pay attention as each plot can vary- so you might have the same house type as the show home- you may have an extra window in your plot, it may have a slightly different layout and of course theres about a 50% chance it will be handed.  When your home is handed, it means that it is the mirror image of all plans you have seen. (so if the stairs on the plans are on the left, they will be on the right etc) However the layout remains the same.  The other plan to keep an eye out for is your materials plan.  These are the materials that make up the exterior of your house.  If you have your heart set on a rendered house rather than brick or stone perhaps, you should ask to see the materials layout when you are browsing to pin point where they are.  If you cannot picture it, ask if there is a house on the development with the same finish and go and have a look.  These different finishes ensure the development is varied and aesthetically pleasing and not all the same, because imagine hundreds of brick houses in one patch, it would look so dull.

You will most likely be shown service drawings which, unless theres something out of the ordinary to make note of, I find this is where most people switch off.  One important thing to remember is that when your external works drawing is shown, pay attention to the ground levels.  Every garden will be sloped slightly- you wouldn't want a perfectly flat garden- but some may be very sloped, some may have split levels.  I sold a garden once which had 5 tiers to it! Don't let split level gardens put you off- I quite like them actually, but its all down to personal preference of course.

NHBC-  If the developer you're buying with has signed up with the NHBC (National house building council) you should have more details on this too. The NHBC are the people giving you your 10 year warranty on the structure of the property, so anything you can't pick up and take away. The fixtures and fittings inside of the property are covered in your developers 2, 3 or 5 year warranty. Buying from a developer who is part of the NHBC is such a good move as they come out and check your house at different stages of build.  The most important check they do is the one when the house is complete. When they do this, they sign it off as complete and issue a CML certificate.  It is not until that certificate is issued that you will be able to have the keys to your new home and that is why you cannot have a definite move in date until that has been done.

On top of all this, you will be given a copy of the consumer code- these are your rights as a buyer. Gone are the days agents could just make up any old shit to get you to buy a house.  Your adviser knows that any information they are giving you is correct and nothing they say should be misleading.

Exchanging Contracts


Once you have seen all of the plans and reserved your plot, it is time to instruct your solicitor and I would really recommend to use one of the recommended solicitors offered to you if your purchase is a pretty normal one. Make your decision as quickly as you can and don't switch to and fro if you can help it, as from the moment you sign that reservation paperwork, time starts ticking away. By using a recommended solicitor, this reduces the stress massively- the advisor is most likely speaking to these solicitors a few times a week, the search fees are normally wavered as they have already been done and the solicitors are usually on the recommended panel because they have worked with the developer before and have given a good service. (If the developer has feedback that they haven't given good service, they are straight on the phone to the solicitors, so you have them on your side too.) It just makes your life a lot easier- trust me.

The downside to using your own choice of solicitor is that it is a lot harder for the sales advisor to contact them. Some even refuse to speak to agents meaning the ball is in your court and you have to do all of the chasing. I understand it can put you in a very difficult situation as you may feel pressured into using a family solicitor, but if you are using a recommended then you are less likely to get your plot 'pulled'.

Plot pulling unfortunately does happen. When you go beyond the reservation expiry date, the developer can pull the plot from you at any time. When discussing pulling plots, the first thing they look at when deciding which plots to pull is whether the buyer is using recommended solicitors and mortgage advisors. If they are, they are normally over looked until the next week as they trust it is all in hand. The worst days I had while working in new builds were definitely the days that I had to tell someone that we were pulling their plot and putting it on the market.  The main thing you can do to stop this from happening is to sign and send back any paperwork as soon as you receive it, (or even better if the solicitor is close, hand deliver) and also by using the recommended solicitors and mortgage advisors. If it looks as though you’re going to go over the deadline and you have returned all paperwork on time, don’t panic. A couple of weeks, even a month over should be ok, anything more then you need to start pushing things along (or your adviser should be chasing)

As soon as you have instructed your solicitor, you need to get everything to your mortgage advisor (or arrange a meeting if you are dealing with them face to face). You will need to have ready;

Last 6 months pay slips 
P60 
Copy of your passport 
Utility bill for proof of address 
Copy of your credit rating- these are printable from noddle.com- this is my favourite site for credit rating, as I find it easy to use and it’s always free.
Details on childcare- if you do not pay for childcare and a family member cares for the child, most lenders will want proof that that family member lives within a certain distance of your home.

Once your mortgage advisor has all of your information, if you don’t already, you’ll get a mortgage in principle. This is basically a document from your lender to say you're all good to go, and this should mean that you will be fine to lend to.

If you're using the Help to Buy scheme, you should also receive an Authority to proceed (ATP) which is a document from help to buy that confirms that you are eligible to use the scheme.  Just before exchange of contracts you will get a 'authority to exchange' (ATE) which is also help to buy document.  This is really the only difference in the legal process between using help to buy and not.

You will then have a mortgage valuation done, (which is all arranged by the developer and the lender, you don't have to do anything) which is basically the lenders way of making sure you are paying the right price for your new home. Once thats done, you should expect your mortgage offer within a few days. Which is just the best feeling ever- I still find mortgage applications soooo nerve wracking.

Meanwhile, you will be getting plenty of paperwork from the solicitor to sign and send back including a big thick document which is your contract. Once thats signed you are almost there to exchange.  Make sure you also transfer deposit money in good time to your solicitor and remember if you are transferring online, you may have to do this over a couple of days due to daily limits so bear this in mind!

Once thats all done you can exchange contracts and RELAX!

So lets break the journey down so far:


RESERVATION 


CONSUMER CODE AND HOUSE PLANS 


INSTRUCT SOLICITORS

↓ 

MORTGAGE APPLICATION


MORTGAGE IN PRINCIPLE


AUTHORITY TO PROCEED (Help to buy only)


MORTGAGE OFFER



SIGN CONTRACTS AND TRANSFER DEPOSIT MONEY TO SOLICITOR


AUTHORITY TO EXCHANGE (Help to buy only)


EXCHANGE OF CONTRACTS 


So what happens next? 

Now this is the fun part- the exciting bits of watching your house being built and waiting for your house to be ready!!

Options/Choices-

If you haven't already chosen your extras to go in your house now is the time to do so.  The first things you will have to decide on will be wall tiles, kitchen and any extra electrical sockets.  It all depends on the stage of build, sometimes you will have to choose all of your extras right at the beginning when you reserve due to the build stage and sometimes you don't even get the option to choose what you would like as the developer has chosen for you.  The best time to have this appointment is definitely once you have had your mortgage offer, even better after you have exchanged, as you can relax and enjoy the appointment without being stressed or worrying it may fall through, but that isn't always the case. Bear in mind that even though these decisions are often difficult to make, when you are told the decision is needed by a certain time, you need to make that decision.  They are not going to hold up the build just because you can't decide what colour kitchen units you want- they will go ahead and put a basic one in and not give you a choice. 

Electrical sockets- 

Pay particular attention to the electrical sockets and plumbing in the house.  Have a look on the plan and decide where you would like extra sockets/ T.V points etc (if any) and make sure you mark it on a layout to show where you would like them. Also with spotlights, don't just go with how many are in the show home- its very likely you won't need as many. 

Plumbing-

Check what is as standard in your home on the specification sheet.  You may see things like an outside tap and shower over the bath in the show home but these are most likely an upgrade.  If you want these then I would recommend adding them in early, along with anything electrical so that you don't miss out.

Interiors- In regards to kitchens, buying a new build is great because even if you go for the highest upgrade of kitchen, it is still a fraction of the price of getting a brand new kitchen installed by anyone else.  To get some inspiration before going to your appointment, have a look at Pinterest for colours and also go and visit some local show homes by the same developer as they will most likely have the same supplier so you can see the things on offer to you in the big picture rather than on a small sample.

I would decide on a budget beforehand and let the advisor know at the start of your appointment so they can tailor that appointment for you.  Allow anywhere from 45minutes to 5 hours (yes) for this appointment depending on how much you want done.  Don't feel embarrassed if you want to keep it as cheap as possible.  I have done several appointments in the past where they have spent nothing, and some where they have spent over  £30k!! A ball park figure for getting flooring and a kitchen upgrade for a 3 bed, you're looking realistically at about £5k. If you are not looking to move in straight away, you can get away with ordering flooring etc elsewhere which will be cheaper for you.  I would recommend getting quotes from both the developer and elsewhere before making your decision. Note that if you decide to get flooring elsewhere, you most likely will not be able to have it fitted before you get the keys.  And do not book it in for the day you plan to get the keys either!! The developer can do as much or as little as you like.  If you're on a budget and would like to do things yourself over time, you can or if you don't want the hassle and want to open your door and have everything ready, wardrobes, blinds, curtains and light fittings, you can do that too.

Don't forget to ask about; (are they standard?)

Turf
Shower over the bath
Fencing in the garden (some developers only supply post and rail as standard)
A TV aerial! (most don't supply this as standard, you'll find they are mostly installed in the loft)
Are TV sockets supplied where you want them (in bedroom?)

You deserve as much time as you need to make these choices so have fun!! I used to really enjoy having these appointments with my customers. I would lock the door to my office, kick off my shoes, keep a teapot full, put out snacks and enjoy having an input into peoples interior.  My office floor would end up covered with samples but I always felt as though my customers left feeling that they had had enough time invested in them.  Be prepared to feel absolutely knackered once its done though- its sooooo tiring! Its not surprising at all though as you're having to make choices on every single room in your house!

Plot visits 

As soon as the house is ready to view (normally when the roof is on) you should be able to have a look. You need to be prepared to have a weekday free as site visits are not normally done on a weekend due to the fact that the site is locked up then,.  You will also need to wear PPE (personal protection equipment) to visit your home so you'll be suited and booted in steel toe capped boots, hard hats and vissy jackets. (So wear your hair down or low!!)

There's really not a lot to see at this point, but its nice to be able to see it under construction and take some pictures to look back on or even make a scrap book with.  These visits aren't always possible, if theres essential works being done you will not be able to get access.  Most of the time it is not the construction team being difficult, but imagine you were in that plot for half an hour, thats half an hour that work has to stop on your house.  Imagine if you came a couple of times a week- that would be 24 hours worth of work missed out on which is about 3 days worth of work to a trade!

CML sign off  

So by this point you still won't have a move in date, but you will probably know what date they are aiming for. If you have already been told your CML date, (they will know the date of CML months before, but it does depend on the advisor whether they tell you or not) then you should really take it with a pinch of salt as it can easily change. I have shot myself in the foot many times by telling people CML and move in dates for them to be pretty angry when they have changed.  I used to suss out the customer first, and if they seemed pretty chilled I would tell them.  If the advisor is not giving in, explain that you know the move in date is not set in stone but you would really appreciate it if they gave you the date so you could use it as a rough guide.  About 90% of the time the date you are told will be the date that you move in.

Between 1 and 3 weeks before your move in date, you will be told your plot has been signed off by the NHBC.  Your solicitor should let you know this once its been done, along with the agreed legal completion date.

New home demo 

The new home tour is when you get to look around your finished home with the site manager. It will most likely be the first time you see your home all finished so it's really exciting! It will most likely be once you have had the NHBC sign off, so should be a couple of weeks before you move in. The site manager will explain to you the running and maintenance of your home and how to use your heating and appliances. I know its so hard, but try not to snag your plot while you're there, a lot can be done over a week or two so don't panic, and although your house should be finished by this point, believe me the finishing touches and snags are all done up to the very last minute. However if there is something thats really getting to you don't keep it in, tell them. If you don't feel comfortable saying anything there and then, just wait until after the appointment and ask to speak to the advisor about your concerns.

At the New home tour-

DO-

Ask questions!!! No question is stupid, just ask away.
Check all the choices you made are in and correct
Give them the benefit of the doubt.  You haven't had the keys yet so if its not perfect, they still have time to make it so.

DON'T-

Take children with you. If you can help it of course! It will be boring for them, and also you won't have a chance to listen to anything the site manager is saying to you if you're trying to entertain them.

This is a bit of a controversial one, but if theres two of you purchasing and you can both make the appointment, keep it there. Too many cooks and all that.  I have had a lot of parents turn up to new home tours with their notepads and lets just leave it there. 😣

Legal completion and handover 


Happy move in day!!!! The day you've been waiting for is finally here and you can't wait to go and pick up your keys. But before you do, make sure you wait for that all important phone call from your solicitor to say that you have legally completed. There is no point going down to the office first thing only to wait in the carpark until the solicitor calls to confirm the money has hit the account.  Even when the solicitor calls, make sure that you call the office before you go down there to confirm when you are arriving.  Sorry to ruin it for you all, but at least give the advisor a chance to get the flowers delivered and put them in your home before you get there!!!

You will never know what time completion takes place.  If you're in a chain especially, you might find that you won't complete until the end of the day, or you might get lucky and get the call at 9am, a lot of it is down to luck.  Just don't book any carpet fitters for the completion day!  If you have to book removals, book them in for a pm slot if you can just to be safe.

And finally...

There's one last thing I need to mention and thats the NHBC survey.  Around 8 weeks after you move in, you will get a survey to complete.  These surveys are so important to the developer.  More than likely the staff that you deal with in the office and out on site are targeted on these surveys and they even affect their bonuses.  You may have seen signage around these new build developments that say 'five star builder' and this is an outcome of NHBC surveys.  A 'five star builder' shows that the housebuilder's customers are satisfied with their product and service.

In my opinion, the survey puts the ball very much in your court.  You will find that before the survey is out, the guys in the office and out on site should be willing to do a lot to keep you happy.  You should have any snags sorted quickly, any issues solved and if you need to ask anyone a favour nows the time to do it.  If you have found that they have been really good, score them a 9 or 10 and put a 'yes' for recommend.  If you haven't had good service, before you fill in that survey, ask for a meeting with the site manager and give him a chance to put things right before the survey expiry date.  In no means lie, but you are much better off giving them a chance to put things right then giving them a good survey then just tearing into them straight away and this is why: Say plot 5 calls, they have a leak.  Plot 4 has one too. Plot 5 gave you a good survey, and plot 4 gave you a horrendous one.  You have one plumber to sort the problem.  Which plot do you think they are going to send that plumber into first? Those surveys are seen by the big bosses- their MD reads every word and so do they.  In fact the surveys are sent out weekly to every member of staff in the company.  Its horrible getting a bad survey in for the whole company to see and they will try their absolute best to stop that happening.  Use it to your advantage.




CHOICES/OPTIONS MEETING


PLOT VISIT 


NHBC SIGN OFF (CML)


NEW HOME DEMO/ TOUR 


COMPLETION/ HANDOVER 


NHBC SURVEY ARRIVES 


Schemes 

Help to buy- I used to find whenever I mentioned Help to buy to people a lot of the time I would get a 'no no, we won't be using that thank you, we don't need that' only for them to speak to a financial advisor and say that actually it was a no brainer and they were using it.  Help to buy is based on a deposit of 5%, a 75% mortgage and a 20% loan from the government.  However, you can put in a bigger deposit, you still get the 20% loan from the government but your mortgage percentage is minimised.  You own 100% of your home as it is a shared equity scheme, not shared ownership. It is worth asking your mortgage advisor if you would benefit from it even if you are dead set against it just to see the difference.  You do not have to be a first time buyer, however you cannot own another property.  (If you are selling your house and using help to buy for the new one that is fine, you just can't have a second property).  It's not there to catch you out. Its there to help people get on and up the property ladder.

Shared Ownership-  Very confusingly can also be known under help to buy. I don't know a lot about this scheme, but it seems like a really good way to get onto the ladder if you're buying on your own or have a low income.  You own 50% of your home and you pay part mortgage, part rent monthly.  As far as I'm aware, you can buy out the other 50% later on down the line if you wish to.  If you want one on a new development, you will have to go through the housing association as it goes under affordable housing and is owned by them.  

Part exchange- A great scheme as you don't have to worry about a buyer, estate agent fees or having to move out of your property and go into rented while you're waiting for your house to be built as you have no impatient buyers on your case.  However most developers require the house you're buying to be at roof level of build before you can reserve, which if its a busy development, you're not going to see many on the market at that stage.  Also doesn't work for downsizing, you need to size up by at least 25% in most cases.  Also if your house is leasehold, listed, or has any preservation orders in its boundary the developer will most likely not want anything to do with it.

Buying a new build as an investor

Firstly, if you're a cash buyer, it is worth asking if they are selling show homes off leaseback.  A lot of these are cash only because the garage of the home is usually being used as an office or has not been built yet, so is un-mortgageable.  Show home leaseback is the one when you're investing in a new build.  How it works is you buy the show home, and the developer rents it off you until they are finished using it.  The yield is normally at least 5%, you are getting a guaranteed rent every month with no issues, the house is being hardly used, and is being snagged and kept in pristine condition.  Some developments are years and years long and by the time they hand the house over to you, it would have gone up in price so you could either sell or rent it out.  You can normally get it furnished at the end really cheaply (bargain the furniture with them as it will cost them to get it all moved out and into storage so they would rather just leave it). 

Another good thing about buying new as an investment, is the fact you don't have to have your property managed for the duration of the warranty.  Your tenant just calls the developer to get any issues sorted and that will save you a lot of money.  Its also brand new, so you shouldn't have many issues with it and it will rent out easier than older properties.

If you are looking at a buy to let mortgage, you will need at least a 25% deposit.  If you have 50% you have more choice of lenders and will get a better rate.

The best time to buy a house as an investment is as close to the developers end of financial year as possible. (About 6 weeks before should get you the best deal) So the key is to find out the end of year month and they are putty in your hands.

I think that is pretty much it!!!! 

If any one has any questions don't hesitate to contact me on here or send me a message on Instagram (lalas_sw) and I will be happy to help 

AML 

LaLa 

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