Maternity leave

Having always worked and never had a single day of being unemployed for 14 years, maternity leave was always going to be a tricky one to get my head around. I remember being 39 weeks pregnant and being in hospital for the 3rd time in 3 weeks with heavy bleeding- I had had a 'show' every single day from 36 weeks and was having contractions every night which would get to 2 minutes apart and then stop. Although I wasn't desperate for my baby to come out ASAP, being in 'pre-labour' for 3 weeks was starting to take its toll as the contractions meant that I wasn't getting much sleep. The midwife explained to me that the reason why I was in pre labour for such a while may be because I hadn't switched off mentally- she asked me if I was relaxing and mentally taking it easy to which I replied that I was. To this my husband interrupted and told the midwife that I hadn't switched off at all- I was still working full time. The midwife for some reason was horrified and directed to my husband that I should be relaxing and should no way still be at work to which he replied that he has been saying this to me for months but I don't listen. (Which is true, I am so stubborn). I was then told that I was not going back to work, and there started my mat leave. (Bonnie came on her due date)

I think one thing people don't tell you about maternity leave is how lonely it can be. I have joined every baby group/class/club going and still I find it lonely and dare I say it- quite boring at times. At the beginning I was just so jealous that my husband got to go to work and I had to stay at home- I really struggled with the fact I wasn't working. I have to admit, I really didn't enjoy it at all until Bonnie turned 4/5 months, when her silent reflux was improving and I was starting to get more back from her- as selfish it is of me to say.  The first 3 months was an absolute blur. (And that's OK!) and in that first part of mat leave, I did find myself wondering how I was going to do this every day for 9 months. But I found that every week I have managed to use my time for the better, and the days have passed a lot more quickly- which is crazy, as at the beginning, the days were SO LONG. (Counting down the hours until my husband came home was becoming my fave past time at one point)

Another thing I was warned about but never thought would happen to me is the amount of visitors you get when you have a newborn compared to just a couple of months down the line. It's almost like they come along, get their picture with the tiny baby, post online and then disappear. Or in my case, my baby developed reflux and colic and they just weren't about being around a baby who cried all the time. The lack of support I have received from some people, even family members, has shocked me but on the other hand I have realised how great and supportive some of my friends are and I've decided to focus on them. Having a baby really shows how amazing your friends can be. Just remember the people who don't bother will get out as much as they put in. If Bonnie grows up not knowing those people that well, it's only themselves they have to blame.

So I thought I would put down some of my own maternity 'musts' that I have found so far-

My antenatal group
I have harped on about this on other blog posts and those bloody insta stories (I'm surprised people are still watching them!) but if you've got a good antenatal group together you are half way there in surviving maternity leave. They are golden.

Say 'Yes'.
To everything. Or as much as you possibly can. Before you say no, think about why you are saying it.  You've had a rough night and someone has text you to ask if you want to go to a baby group/ coffee? Just chuck some clothes on, dry shampoo your hair, don't worry about make up and go. You'll be glad you did.

Talk to that mum
So you've got your big group of friends, you're comfortable in your baby sensory group or whatever it is, you're sorted. Now go and sit next to the girl who's arrived on her own. I try to do this as much as possible- I'm lucky to know a lot of mums in the baby groups I attend, but some may not be so lucky. Chat to someone who you haven't spoken to before, and they may be really thankful you did- you may even make another good friend- and lets face it, you can't have too many mum friends on mat leave. I treated being a new mum like being the new kid at school- I used every opportunity to make new friends. The way I saw it, was I had nothing to lose. Once in Waitrose, I went up to a group of mums to ask what washing powder they used to wash their baby clothes in. They were helpful, sure. However, I don't think they wanted to be my bestest mate and that was fine. You win some, you lose some.

Walk
Everywhere! If you can avoid driving then do it. You're saving money on fuel and helping burn calories so you can have that extra big chocolate slice of cake with coffee. Today it was absolutely pissing it down all day, but that didn't stop me pulling my hood up and doing over 10k steps. It makes such a difference to your health- both mentally and physically. It also helps to fill out those really long days.

What's on
Get to know what's on in your area- there's so much to do when you really look into it- look in local papers, Facebook groups- and the good thing is a lot of groups etc are free! (Cause we all need a free class here and there- SMP will not hold us back!!!)

Enjoy
Let's be realistic here- you are not going to 'enjoy every moment' because there are some moments that aren't enjoyable at all. Some moments are really shit.  My advice would be, when life is good, your child is being amazing, just take a moment to really take it all in. Those times are just amazing they really are. Remember those times and when your partner comes home from work, tell him about those lovely moments. It's so tempting to tell your husband how stressful your day has been. Just remember they miss these nice moments you see during the day.

As always, I will be adding to this at a later date because my maternity leave isn't over yet! I am always learning which is why I will always add to my posts as time goes on.

A.M.L

LaLa x