Home: My kitchen

Kitchen

Our kitchen is an open plan kitchen/dining/family area which is perfect for us.  We are used to living in an apartment so this was a great transition and meant that we could host in the same way we always have. This kitchen was probably the main reason why we bought our house.

Our house is about 9 or 10 ten years old now- it was originally the show home on the development but being almost ten years old, was very dated.  Show homes tend to be over designed- purposefully done to help you to remember them, and they are always very lovely, however if you think of an over decorated house 10 years ago- well it was very dated.  The positive side of this is that we had granite worktops, fitted wardrobes and mirrors and chrome sockets throughout.

We knew that we wanted an industrial looking house (we didn't know we were pregnant at the time- obviously!!) So everything we looked at was hard, sharp, cold and un child friendly!

The first thing we did was paint everything white- including the bright orange hall way (!) and ripped up the amtico flooring to replace with tiles. Just as we had taken up the flooring, we were cancelled on by the tiler meaning that I was around 6 months pregnant living on dusty concrete flooring for a couple of weeks. Thankfully, we both work in property and construction and could get a new tiler pretty quickly.

Before

After- (a very bare after!)

Tiles- Johnsons Tiles 'Street'
Blinds- Blinds 2 Go
Rug- Next
Sofa- DFS
Unit- John Lewis
Mirror- John Lewis

Once the flooring was down, we made a start on the dining area. The wall was red, and we wanted split face tiling on the wall. We were going to go for a light rust colour as thought grey would be too dark; and I'm so glad we changed our minds and went for the grey.

Elliott fitted the tiles himself and chased the wires behind the wall so that we could put a tv on the wall once the tiles were in.

Before

After 

Split faced tiles- Tile flair 

'Calia' Table and Bench- John Lewis

'Calia' Shelves- John Lewis 

'Tolix' style chairs- Peppermill interiors

Curtains- John Lewis 

Bar Stools- Asda 

We need more board games for our games shelf!!

Copper lantern is Homesense.

Hogwarts box is from a market stall somewhere near Clapham.

'Tripp Trapp' highchair- Stokke

Word Art- Designed myself, printed by Zazzle.com, framed locally.

For the curtain rail, we used a copper pipe

To cover the radiator on the tiled wall, we bought an unfinished radiator cover from B&Q and painted it dark grey to blend in. I really wanted a funky radiator instead but they are so pricey, and actually I think the cover turned out really well! 

The arrival of Bonnie!!!

Bonnies Toys are stored in baskets and boxes around the room for now. This is soon going to change as the toy collection grows!!!!

'London' print- Made.com

Cushion- John Lewis 

Lantern- Homesense

Table- IKEA

The plant is from a local florist.

Copper Lamp- Made.com

Orange cushion- John Lewis 

Palm cushion- Home sense.

Throw- The White Company.

The picture shelves are from IKEA- 

L-R 

'Lets stay Home' framed print- Etsy

Bon Iver album cover (Bonnie was born to Bon Iver playing)

Our favourite wedding photo 

Framed picture of St Paul's (where we got engaged)- Made.com

Framed 'A' (surname initial) and Mickey- both Homesense

And for the actual kitchen part..

We have ordered our new kitchen!!! So for now I will just put a 'before' picture up and finish this blog post when it has been fitted!!

Before 

TO BE CONTINUED 

A dad's point of view

When laura first told me she was pregnant I froze, I didn't know what to say or do for a few seconds, I was happy, so happy as I had always wanted a baby, I believe I was put on this earth to be a dad. A lot of things went through my head that night in bed, most of them turned out to not really matter. Will it be a boy or girl? Will they be healthy? Will we be able to afford a child? Will I be a good parent? What if this happens, what if that happens, it all really doesn't matter. Looking back I wish I didn't worry, wish I enjoyed the first finding out a bit more, but everyone reacts different, I was excited, but I'm quite a deep thinker and may have over thought a lot. Laura's pregnancy was a good time of our lives, we'd just got married and got our new house, the arrival of Bonnie gave me a good deadline to decorate the house and to do what we wanted, I wanted to make Bonnies room perfect, and just as important Laura's dressing room somewhere she could put her nice things and get ready. Laura is the most hard working and persistent person in the world, and being pregnant didn't restrict her from doing anything, she had to be begged by me and the midwife to stop working (a week before her due date) she's amazing and I admire her work ethic so much. Laura's waters broke 2 days before Bonnies due date, the 27th. We went into hospital that afternoon and got told to come back after 24 hours, we went back in on the 28th and Bonnie was born on her due date, the 29th of December. That's when both of our lives changed massively, Laura's more than mine. Going from working full time, weekends and long days to being on your own with a baby must be hard, I can't even imagine the mindset you have to be in to cope with it. But Laura has, she's pushed through a lot of tough days, breastfeeding until she can't physically do it anymore that day, and getting up the next time and going again. Being a dad is hard, being a husband to a wife who is as hard on herself as Laura is about being a mum is even harder. Everyone wants the best for their children and Laura is a classic example of utter selflessness, she's given everything to being a mum, she has bought a human into the world and over the past 5 months nurtured her into the most beautiful little girl, and for that I will never be able to thank her enough. I don't think anything will ever prepare you enough for being a parent. People want to be good parents of course they do, but what have we actually got to learn from? Nothing, we have to just make most of it up as we go along, we get tips and generic advice most of it a load of rubbish as every baby is different, but really when you think about it what have we got to look at apart from another book from Holly 'mum of the year' Willoughby telling you what to do. It's not anyone's fault that you can't be prepared, it's just the nature of it, having a baby is hard, sometimes it's impossible, but somehow Laura manages the impossible and gets up everyday and does her best for Bon. Sometimes it can get too much, and that's when husbands need to be there, need to soak up all of the bad and get rid of it somewhere, but where? One thing I did notice after Bon was born is how little support the dad gets, i don't want any attention or all eyes on me, I'm not jealous of Laura for being prodded and poked but I just think it would be good for someone to ask 'How are you coping?' Or is there anything you're worries about with Laura or Bonnie. A lot of focus is on the mums, and quite rightly so, but I think if there was more help for the dads then the mums would do better, feel better and maybe not get so down so often.

On reflection

I am sitting here on the marina, its a lovely sunny day, and I am alone; with a full coffee and an empty pushchair. I feel calm and collected; yet I have a little anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. (I often wonder if this feeling will ever disappear!) Rewind to this time last year, I would have hated being in a coffee shop alone.  Conscious that people would think I was some sort of weird loner who no one wanted to have coffee with. Now, as I people watch, accepting politely the looks and nods off other mums with full pushchairs, (that knowing 'oh lucky you having a childfree hour' nod and their smile that almost says 'you enjoy that coffee hun') I am enjoying each sip of my skinny vanilla latte and every second of my own company.  Sometimes all a mother needs is just some child free time to sit and gather her thoughts. Before I had a baby I thought thats all you'd have time to do, but it couldn't actually be further from the truth.

I have always been good at sharing how I feel about things, but maternity leave- and motherhood in general- is a very hard feeling to describe. I hate to say it, and the pre-baby me would be screaming at me for saying this- but it definitely is the sort of thing that if you haven't been there yourself, you literally have no idea.  Here I am harping on about how great it is sat in Costa on my own, (note to self- I need to get out more!) but if you have read my first blog post on maternity leave, you'll know how lonely I have found mat leave to be. I'm not really giving myself a chance here am I? Here I am saying how it's been a lonely 7 months, but I enjoy the rare times I have to myself. Hear me out though- there is a massive difference between being on your own and being alone with a baby- when you are on your own it really makes you realise how much that little cute human is literally at the forefront of your minds at all times and how you literally do not have time to think about yourself- or to think at all sometimes!

During those days at the beginning where I had a newborn who seemed to be constantly attached to my breast I found it so hard to imagine ever being in a place like this- not just physically being without her but also in this state of mind. A place where I can feel a little more 'myself' again.  Even a place where I can be 'Laura- that property developer' and not just 'Bonnie's mum'. The past 7 months have flown by, but on the other hand, those first few months seem like a lifetime ago.  I am not going to lie, the newborn stage was not always an enjoyable time for me.  And that is OK to say! Did I feel grateful? Yes. Was the bond instant? Not exactly.  Was I in love with her? Of course. Did I enjoy every moment? Nope. If anything, the first 4 months were a blur. When something hits you quite hard mentally, its amazing how it can just drop out of your mind. Those first months were a blur to me- I experienced what I can only describe as a 'mummy dementia' during this time. I felt guilty for so long about this, but I just want to say to anyone feeling the same, not everyone is going to enjoy every last second and you have your child for the rest of your life- think of all the memories you have yet to make. I am certainly making up for it now, and it doesn't fill me with guilt anymore.

I always wonder if I lived maternity leave to the fullest- but thinking about it, I believe I tried my absolute best. My mantra was to say yes to everything as much as possible and it really meant that I got the most out of my time on mat leave.  I met up with mum groups as much as I could, I met up with other mums in the area one on one for a chat which sometimes is just what's needed, I did baby massage, jolly babies, moo music, puddle ducks, baby sensory, messy play, mother and baby groups, pretty much every thing to get out and about. Some groups were great, some weren't so, but the main thing was I never had an element of doubt or 'I wish I had done this or that'. I tried pretty much everything.  That still doesn't mean I don't feel guilty- did I play with her enough? Did I spend too much time on my phone? Did I stimulate her enough, or educate her enough? Did I let her pick up on my negative energy? Did I let her watch too much T.V? Did I talk to her or sing to her enough? Do I rush bath time? Have I wished for her bed time too many times? Believe me, the guilt is there- it's very real.

Why do we feel guilty? What is it that makes us feel like we haven't done enough? How are we feeling like we haven't played enough or let them watch too much TV? What is it that is making us come to this conclusion? Comparison. Comparison has everything to blame for mum guilt, and with the ever growing mum networks on social media especially, this is something everyone needs to put a bit into perspective once in a while. Let me paint you a picture- you've had a shit day. I mean its been HARD. One of those days where you have ventured out, your child starts having a meltdown and  you've thought fuck it, turned around and gone back home. You moan to your friends, your sister, your mum.  You may even post on Instagram that you have had it tough today in the hope that someone out there knows the feeling and it may make you feel you are not the only one. You hand over your child to your partner as soon as they get through the door because you just cannot parent for one more minute of the day. Child goes to bed and you pour yourself a large glass of well deserved wine because tomorrow's another day. You flick through Instagram and here come the inspirational quotes- 'enjoy every moment' or 'live each day as if it were your last' and you just feel like a shit ungrateful person who obviously just doesn't love their child enough. Let me tell you something- you can live your life without savouring every moment.  Don't get me wrong, I take some time every day to really think about how lucky I am- but I do not sit and smile when Bonnies screaming her head off because I am just 'savouring the moment' and I wasn't 'savouring the moment' while scrubbing yellow newborn poo from off my fingernails. Its just not realistic. Thats not to say that being a miserable cow the whole time is the way forward, but it is OK to sometimes admit your day has just been a bit- shit. And those Instagram accounts where everything is rainbows and butterflies?? You know deep down that shit just aint real.

Once I accepted that my journey was unique, and not make comparisons to sometimes very unrealistic perceptions of motherhood, it became a lot easier to get my head around. I stopped seeing the first few months as something that I had 'missed' and started to view it as a stepping stone- a period of time that brought us up to where we are now. Everything happens for a reason, and you've got to take the highs with the lows- it's all part of your own unique journey. Just remember- the end of maternity leave marks the beginning of something new- no one is going to come and take your baby away once mat leave is over. So you may regret not joining that baby group- don't dwell on it and just think of the time you have left to make memories.

It's been an absolute pleasure spending the first 7 months daily with my daughter- seeing her change and grow into the amazing little character she is now. We've had highs and lows- but it's amazing how the lows just seem to diminish month by month and are replaced by the highs that just completely overshadow those hard times.

We are both starting our own journeys. Me going back to work with a whole new perspective. My daughter has taught me so much about myself. I can be a little bit of the old me again- which is what I craved so much during the low times at the beginning. I can use my brain a little more and have non baby related conversations. Make important decisions (which actually don't seem as important now in the whole scheme of things) Things I have really missed doing.
Bon has already started her journey. The strangest thing about Bonnie starting nursery is the fact that I have always been part of every aspect of her life and now she's having her own little part of her life that I won't be involved with. Meeting new friends who I won't know, singing songs that I don't know the words to, playing games that I have not played before- it's the strangest feeling. It's exciting to think about how much I will see her develop because of this. And she's the most amazing little person, it's time to let others experience the little Bonnie I've had the pleasure of getting to know over the last 7 months. So go on Bon- this is your time to show everyone what an amazing little girl you are. I can't keep you to myself forever.

A.M.L 

LaLa x

Sleep!

Every now and again I do get blog suggestions from people which I love to get as it's good to know what people want to read about. About 99% of the time I get asked to write about Bons sleep as I have mentioned that she sleeps really well at night, and now after a bit of work put into it, goes down with no trouble at the same time every night and I mean straight down, without fail. I get asked how it was done, how I got Bonnie to be a good night time sleeper and the truth is, even though I think some things helped, we were just lucky. 

When Bonnie was born, I remember at night time in hospital it was always everyone else's baby crying most of the time and she was a pretty good baby. She was slightly jaundice though, so was sleepier than usual. The first night that I stayed at home, I remember getting up in the night to feed her and just kept forgetting I'd put her back in her crib and waking up panicking thinking I had lost her in the bed! The next night, I put her down and went to sleep at about 10pm thinking that I would hear her if she needed a feed and wake up. Fast forward to 6am waking up in panic that I had not woken in the night. She had slept through. Thinking this was just a fluke, I was surprised when she continued to sleep through night after night, and it didn't stop. From birth, my baby slept through and just continued to do so. People are forever telling me that 'it won't last' or 'you wait until it all changes'. It all might change- they may be right. But for now I'm enjoying the fact that she's now almost 8 months old and is still sleeping through the night. 

So let's start from the beginning. Bonnie didn't have a routine and would go down to sleep any time between 6-9. She would sleep in her pram (coachbuilt so a proper mattress) downstairs at that time. We would carry on making tea, watching T.V, we didn't whisper around her and she would just sleep through it. I believe now that that's the reason why she is good at sleeping through consistent background noise. At about 10pm Bonnie would wake up, so I would feed her and take her up to bed with us where I put her down in her next to me crib. She would then sleep until 6/6:30am. I then put her in our bed where I would feed her and then she would sleep again until about 7:30/8. 

When Bonnie got to around 3 months old, she stopped waking at 10 so I would just give her a dream feed at that time. She may not have even needed it but you know what she was a good sleeper and I wasn't temping fate. I did eventually stop doing this when she was 5 and a half months and she slept as normal. 

The only problem I found was getting her down in the first place. We would do bathtime/winding down at 6 and we would spend around 3 hours trying to get her down to sleep. Once she was down that was her for the night, but getting her down was the problem. It took hours of rubbing her head and tummy to get her off to sleep. The other problem was her napping in the day was non existent. Sometimes she would go a whole day with just a half an hour nap. I hated to complain about her not sleeping in the day because I knew she was so good at night but dealing with an over tired baby on top of colic and reflux- they were the toughest days. I tried a sleep routine- I saw when her tired times were in the day and tried to make her sleep at those times and failed at it massively. It wasn't until I had introduced formula and she had a loose feeding routine that I started to notice a pattern in her naps. She now naps at 9:30 and 2:30 every day but she didn't get like that until after 4 months. She did have a meltdown every single day before her 9:30 nap but now I sing to her while she just cuddles me and falls asleep on my chest then I put her in her cot. I bloody love our 9:30 cuddles now. 

Bonnie was 5 months old when she went into her own room. The original plan was to put her in her own room when we got back from holiday when she was 6 and a half months old. My logic was that there was no point putting her in her own room, only to go on holiday where she'll be back in with us again- we thought it would be an easier transition. So when I got rid of the first size sleepyhead and the new one came and I realised it didn't fit in the next to me, or any crib in the house apart from the cot in her room- (it's massive!) I panicked. My husband didn't see the big deal- just put her in her own room it's not a problem- but I just felt that it had sprung upon me and I hadn't had time to mentally prepare for it. The first night, I fed her (I breastfeed her before bed) and she didn't fall asleep while being fed. I was fully prepared for a battle at bed time but I tried just putting her down in her bed and walking away. To my surprise a couple of minutes later she was asleep. No crying, nothing. She had self settled. That gigantic sleepyhead arriving was a blessing in disguise! 

The following night, I went to do exactly the same as I had before. I walked out of her room and she started to cry. Because she had self settled the night before, I knew she could do it again, so I stayed outside her door and every time she cried, I went in her room, stroked her head until she settled, then walked back out again. I did this for about 5 minutes and she was asleep. It took about 2 weeks of this to get her settled into that routine- sometimes she would go straight down, sometimes it took me going in and out to comfort her, and a couple of times if she got really upset I just stayed beside her and stroked her head until she fell asleep. But after about 3 weeks, she was self settling every night at 7:30 on the dot. The fact that she was in her own room helped, and she obviously relates this to sleep. I had started putting her down for naps a couple of weeks before which may have helped. What else helped was making her bath time later- we moved it from 6 to 7 and it helped a lot. Now we start it at 6:30 and she is down for 7:15. She then sleeps until around 6, where I feed her and she then goes back down for another hour or so. 

So what helped from the beginning? I would say 2 things- 

1. Swaddling- Bonnie was swaddled as soon as she was out pretty much. For bed, we used something called a grosnug by the fro company- it made swaddling easy. The reason why I believe it helped with the sleep so much was the first night Bonnie was up through the night was the night was the only night she wasn't in her gro snug. It's really odd when you put them in at at first- it's almost like it's too tight but it is safe- we zipped her arms in but when she was reaching the 12lbs limit we unzipped the arm holes. 

Another swaddling blanket we had was one by merino kids. Bonnie hated the car and wouldn't sleep- she'd just scream the whole journey. But we found that this swaddle blanket had holes for the car seat and so we used it for car journeys and it magically made her sleep. 

2. The sleepyhead. Now this is tricky, because it may have paid no part in Bonnies ability to sleep through- the thing is we'll never know as we have never chanced her not sleeping in one. The good thing is she's slept while we've been away from home with her and it must be a bit like taking her own bed away with her. A little home comfort. 

Anyway, I think that's everything I have learnt so far about Bonnie and her sleep. 

Thank you, Bon. You have been an absolute bloody legend on the sleep front, I got to say. 

That's my girl. 

  

A.M.L 

LaLa x

Marbella 2017

Flying from Bristol- Malaga with EasyJet- stayed for 12 days- self catered

Packing

1x infant allows 2 big items and one small changing bag 

Changing bag for the flight- no bigger than 45x36x20cm

The bag I used measured slightly less than these dimensions, it was a recent purchase from Primark. 

Contents 

Favourite toys- Sophie giraffe and Sofia the first dolly 

Comforter (sleepy rabbit)

Blanket

Muslins.x2

Dummies

Dummy clip

Bibs x2

Nappy bags, nappies (x5) and wipes all in changing roll (see below picture) 

Gripe water 

Spoons x2 

Sippy cup (empty) 

Milk bottle (see below re:making up formula milk on flight) 

Formula powder

Breakfast ( pouch) 

I later added an outfit to change Bon into when we landed and also her red book.


The best item of this bag was the changing pack. It was a fold up changing mat with pockets for nappies and wipes. It sat in the bottom of the buggy all holiday and it was a great portable thing to have.

As well as a small changing bag, you are allowed 2 large items such as a stroller, car seat, travel cot etc. We took a quinny base, (we have a stroller in Marbella already) and a car seat. We took them both in carry bags. The carry bags are brilliant. Not only are they good for keeping your items safe, but they are a lifesaver when it comes to luggage. We used these bags not only for our large named items, but for other essentials too. 

Stroller bag 

Things we managed to fit in these bags was a Bumbo with tray, and a bag full of milk, nappies and Ella's kitchen pouches. (Heavy items you don't want to take up your allowance!) 

In the car seat bag we put the sleepyhead and a blanket. Again, bulky items that would normally take up a whole suitcase!! They didn't check these bags, well we watched them go through the security scanners and they didn't say anything. My sister once weighed over on her luggage so she took clothes out of her suitcase and put it in the car seat bag in front of the lady at the check in desk and she didn't care. Honestly there is so much space in these bags, they are fantastic for packing extra items at no extra cost. Plus, how else are you going to take a Sleepyhead Grand abroad with you? Those things are HUGE!

If you are self catered and you don't have the use of a high chair, I highly recommend this Phil and Teds one- it collapses pretty flat to fit in a suitcase and we used it a lot.

For Bonnies wash bag, we packed the following:

The best item in this bag? The bottle of 'Skin so soft' by Avon.  Its a dry oil that makes your skin soft. However, thats not the main reason why this product is a good seller. Apparently mosquitoes hate this stuff- and stay away if you have it on. Ive put it to the test with Bonnie and well, it works! We were all bitten so much this year, and Bonnie wasn't bitten once. I only used it on her at night as obviously it is an oil.  Rumour has it that the British Army buy this stuff in bulk as it is better than jungle formula.

The Flight

Our flight out was at around 6 am meaning we left the house at about 3.  We got everything loaded into the car and put Bon in last. She woke up and then didn't sleep until she was on the plane. It was really cute actually, she was so excitable- almost like she knew she was going on holiday and couldn't sleep. The only problem with packing the car seat and stroller bag with so much stuff is obviously we would never get away with that at customs so we had to check in our car seat and quinny base and carry Bon the whole way from check in to baggage reclaim on the other side. This was only because we had a car seat and base-which would have been pretty useless without one another- if we had an actual buggy and car seat we would have packed the car seat bag up to the brim and checked it in and then taken the buggy all the way to the flight which all the sensible parents did. We will definitely be doing this for Dubai as we will have a buggy and car seat. 

If you're getting to the airport early, I would highly recommend booking into the airport lounge- especially if you want your baby to sleep while you wait for your flight.  If you are not familiar with the lounges, they are rooms that you'll find at every airport that  you can book into at a cost that have comfy sofas/ are quiet and is just a nicer atmosphere to relax in. Most food and drink are complimentary, and some even have spas. Check the lounge details for their kids policy before you book though. We also filled up Bonnies bottle with boiled water in the lounge, however you can take it through security anyway- they may just ask you to taste it. We took the powder formula in a separate tub and made it up once the plane had landed as Bonnie doesn't have a bottle until 11am. (She is combi fed). I was really worried about Bon's ears when we were taking off and landing so I just made sure that I breastfed her at those times (it was just the most convenient thing for me to do at that time, but obviously bottle feeding and a dummy would also do the trick) We also took an Ella's kitchen pouch to give her when we landed for breakfast and I fed it to her while we waited at baggage claim. 

In Spain 

Baby changing is sparse especially in very 'Spanishy' towns (as in not touristy)- I even found the touristy parts difficult for baby changing. So just bear that in mind. Be prepared for a lot of kneeling down on floors.

The positive thing about being in Spain is that everyone is very used to seeing children and babies out at night in restaurants- they don't bat an eyelid so don't feel guilty about having a pram/ child with you as it is very normal to have children up late 

Another positive? Spanish people LOVE babies- love them. And Bonnie loves attention so win-win. The one thing I would say is that it is a lot more acceptable in Spain to just pick up someone else's baby- do not be surprised if you find a Spanish lady (especially of the older generation) put her hands out to give your baby a cuddle. I was struggling with some bags in San Pedro while Elliott was folding down the pushchair and an old Spanish lady just took Bonnie off me to help me out- I was a little taken aback at first but I was ok with it- I understand some people may not like that especially if they don't expect it.

Water- Its best to research water before you go if you are travelling with a baby. You need to look for water with the lowest sodium count. Evian is recognised worldwide and is fine for babies. If you are travelling to Spain there is a brand called Lanjaron which is sold everywhere. We filled the kettle every morning with Lanjaron and poured it into her two bottles and water bottle every morning- then just made the bottle up with the powder when it was time for a feed.

Time Zone-  Spain is an hour ahead so before we went we just assumed that Bonnie's bedtime would change from 7:30 to 8:30 but for some reason it didn't and all her naps etc stuck to the same time while we were out there. A couple of days before we were due to fly home Bon woke up late so we used that as an opportunity to get her used to doing everything an hour later and when we got home she went to bed at 7:30 no problem. I did work very hard before we went away to establish a bedtime for Bonnie which I found helped so much while we were away as she was used to a bedtime. If we were staying in we would put her down as usual in bed with the monitor. If we were going out we would put her down as usual at 7:30 but in her buggy instead of her bed- we then put the buggy in a dark room while we all got ready and by the time we were all ready to go out she was in a deep sleep meaning she slept the whole time every single night we went out- through live music and everything.

I do put this down to the fact that she is a good sleeper- we used a Maclaren techno xlr stroller while we were out there which seemed comfortable, it lay right back and she slept in it well. It was also easy to collapse and light.  The one thing I would say is that the basket is a good size however it's near impossible to get to if the seat is in the lay flat position.  The other negative about this pram is that we had to purchase new handles as they melted- yes melted- in the heat, however I have noticed that the handles are different on the newer models now. All in all a good buggy- it's the first time we have used a buggy (they always feel so flimsy don't they?!) It will be good to see how it compares to our Silver Cross Pop which we will be using on our next holiday as that is a lot cheaper price wise. We have bought the Pop for when we go travelling for 7 months so I'm hoping it will be good!!  

I would definitely recommend a Snoozeshade too- this was great for naps in the day meaning Bonnie would be able to sleep in the shade and not get over heated and also meant that at night her buggy was nice and dark

Useful values

So we went for just under 2 weeks and we took-

4 packs of 28 nappies (we had one full pack left) 
1 x box of Aptimil powder (we had half left at the end)- Bonnie has 2 bottles of 7oz a day.
8 x ready made 7oz bottles Aptimil
A box of Milton tablets
Enough Ella's kitchen pouches for her to have at every meal- we planned to make Bonnie meals like we do at home but the ease of Ella's kitchen pouches made us see sense and sack that idea right off- they are so easy and convenient. She had Weetabix or toast and fruit most mornings for breakfast.

I would say my main tip for travelling with a baby for the first time would be is to go in with an open mind- I thought packing would be an absolute night mare and so stressful-it was absolutely fine! if anything, I was the most organised I have ever been as I started packing so well in advance.  I am extremely surprised to say that there is nothing that I forgot to pack or left at home accidentally! I also thought that this holiday would just be too different- which in a way it was- but I thought we wouldn't be able to do any of the things we did before having a baby- I thought that we would have to stay in every night and wouldn't be able to enjoy those less than baby friendly places such as beach clubs- but thanks to a very well behaved baby we managed to do a lot of things that we have always done. When I say beach clubs- if you're talking Marbella or somewhere like that avoid somewhere like ~Ocean beach and opt for somewhere like La Sala instead.  The key I found to being so relaxed was we just followed Bonnies lead and had no expectations to our holiday. We didn't book one thing while we were out there- apart from our beach club beds- as as soon as you need to get somewhere for a certain time thats when it gets stressful.

This is totally my friend in that above picture and not me- I would love to say thats what I look like in a swimsuit but, no.

...And Finally

You have probably heard me say a few times before that I consider Marbella as my home from home.  I have a lot of memories out there as I spent a lot of time there as a child.  In the UK, my family have all moved on and as we have all found our own homes to live in and our family home was sold, there is one base, although my parents are now separated, its a place we all share, where we can always come back to and feel completely at home and it just so happens to be in sunny Marbs.  It is filled with memories that will grow over the years as our family grows. I literally can't wait to see Bonnie swim from one side of the pool to the other for the first time in the exact place myself and my sisters did and maybe one day Bon will do the same with her children.

I would love to think that something in this post has helped or answered any questions in some way for anyone who is going abroad with their little one.  If you do have any questions at all I am always happy to help, just comment on this blog post or send me a message via Instagram- (@lalas_sw)

A little disclaimer- 

I know it can seem very easy for me to say a lot of the stuff I have on this blog post.  I am very lucky to already have a lot of baby items in Marbella already thanks to the fact my sisters have had 4 children so have kitted the gaff out pretty nicely.  Cheers for that sistas. I know the area very well- I probably know it better than I know Bristol- which also makes it a lot easier for me too.  I also had friends come out to join us out there for part of it and the extra couple of pairs of hands also made it easier. 

Bonnie, 6 months
Marbella July 2017

A.M.L

LaLa

x

It does get better

Today on a walk I felt really reflective. I just couldn't believe I had a baby who was so so good! She is smiley, happy, content and a good sleeper. She is an absolute dream and I cannot believe how lucky I am. I think I feel extra extra lucky because I have been on the other side of things and it's amazing how much has changed in such a short space of time.

This blog post is for the mamas who feel like the dark cloud will never go away- because I promise you it will one day. If you read on, you will see at one point not long ago, I got to a really dark and scary place. I cannot imagine myself back there now, and can't believe how much better things have got. I really hope this helps someone to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

You see, before I had Bonnie, I used to hate instagram pages and blogs like mine. I would be like why are they moaning about how hard motherhood is? They are so lucky to even have a child, they kind of need to get a grip. I was all over the pages that showed the best bits about motherhood- the all butterflies and rainbows side, I used to think that's exactly how it SHOULD be, these mums are grateful for what they have and they are looking on the positive side. What I didn't think of was how different babies can be and how different each experience of being a new parent is. Don't get me wrong, I still love the instagram pages where the babies seem to be an absolute breeze and everything's rosy, because it's important to show the positive side of motherhood, but (I never thought I would say this) but it's just as important to share the not so nice experiences too. The thing is, saying your struggling isn't really 'cool' or a very popular thing to do. It doesn't get you likes and followers, which is why there's just not so much of it around. There may be a lot of people who get tired of my posts, and that's fine- I would have been the same to be honest. But if I am helping anyone at all then that matters so much to me.

At about 3 weeks, Bonnie developed colic. It just so happened that the day it started was the day Elliott went back to work. Looking back, it was just the unluckiest of timing that it had to start on that particular day. I had absolutely bossed the start of that day- I was up, dressed, hair blow dried, make up on, out the door, had had a battle with the isofix base and had driven to an antenatal meet up all by 10am. A dentist appointment later and also a food shop, I was on a massive high- this motherhood malarkey- I had cracked it!! (Looking back 5 months later, this makes me laugh as I still to this day haven't yet cracked it!) about 1pm I was sat breastfeeding Bon and doing an instastory about how well my first day had gone. 

 

 Fast forward to 6pm and my husband comes home to a screaming baby behind a shut door, I'm sat on the stairs naked (after attempting skin to skin) holding a towel on my leaky boobs crying my eyes out. I remember that day so clearly- she started crying at 2pm and cried non stop until 8. The next day it carried on like clockwork. 2pm hit and it would be at least 4 hours non stop every single day. During this time she would refuse to feed at all and was in such a state there was nothing I could do.

I tried infacol- which DID help. I found she would then go from 5-8pm non stop every day -3 hours was an absolute dream compared with the 4-6 hours I was used to. However it did take its toll on my relationship with my husband as by the time she had finished screaming we were both emotionally drained. She was taking infacol before every feed until about 14 weeks. The smell of the stuff now just takes me right back to those really difficult first 3 months! 

The other thing that seemed to help was putting her crib on an angle- the Chicco next 2 me crib made this very easy to do. Bottles wise, she was only breastfed so I can't give advice but the bottles she has now are mam anti colic and apparently they are very good for colicky babies. 

At some point between 4 and 8 weeks, Bonnie developed silent reflux. The crying in the evening turned into all day, and I mean all day. I remember for a period of about 3 weeks, maybe even a month, if she was awake, she was crying. She would never be awake and content. We even had to rebook her 6 week check as the doctor couldn't do it due to her being in such a state. The next week when she had it again, she almost had the same thing happen but the doctor just about managed to get it done.  Plus I was sat there in tears and didn't want to have to do it again!

 I spent that whole month constantly trying to get her to sleep so that I could leave the house. I could feel myself getting more and more down and my head just didn't feel right. I felt as though my baby had broken me; I had this black cloud over me that was getting darker and darker and I was DESPERATE to get rid of it. I was scared about how bad it was going to get to be honest. That dark cloud just wasn't me. The worst thing was around this time, visitors start to diminish- some never to be seen again- and the visitors I did have didn't stick around for long. At the time I remember thinking I didn't blame them- who would want to be around a screaming baby all day? Now when I think about it, it just makes me angry. 

All of these factors added together made me reach an all time low. The worst it got was when I was sat in a baby sensory class and I remember being in almost like a trance- and I remember planning that when I got home I could hang myself from the top of the stairs as it's so hollow and goes from the bottom floor up.  (My god I found that so so hard to type!) That thought shocked the hell out of me and I had to try and blink away my tears while singing 'say hello to the sun' and pretending that everything was ok. When sensory was finished I didn't know what to do with myself- shall I take up everyone's offer to go for coffee? Can I cope with her screaming her head off in public? Could I try to get her to sleep? Shall I just go home? Do I even trust myself to go home after what has just gone through my head?? 

Thankfully, this only happened on one occasion. I feel so so guilty about the fact that the thought even entered my head. I'm embarrassed and ashamed even. The feeding wasn't going well at this point either and I felt like a complete failure as a mother, as a person even and for that split second, I obviously could see no way out. However it did frighten me into doing something about it as I in no way wanted to ever feel like that again. I got home and googled all the support I could and booked a doctors appointment for Bonnie to look into what was going on and why she was so unsettled. This wasn't normal. I wanted to make sure she got better first before I moved on to sorting my own head out. This appointment was the start of her being on ranitidine. Once her dose was upped to the max it worked absolute wonders for us. It took various trips to the doctors and a hospital admission to see her getting better, but it helped her reflux so much. And as she got better, so did I. I am in no way saying that this is the answer. I would encourage anyone feeling like that to book a doctors appointment for themselves and to get help. I suppose I'm just lucky that that was a one off and that I managed to get better by myself. 

Looking back, I probably did have PND- I would never have admitted that, as I come from a family who don't have time for that sort of stuff. Even the other week I mentioned something about post natal anxiety to 2 of my family members and straight away I was laughed at and told to 'oh get over yourself' and that's not a jibe at them at all because that's just the way they are and I love them for it. My parents have both in the past had chemotherapy/ radiotherapy treatment then got up and gone to work- I've always been very proud of their 'just get on with it' attitude, but let's just say sympathy is not their forte! (It's not really mine either to be honest but at least I know where I get it from!!)

On reflection though, along with my husband, we have done this first 6 months very much on our own. We haven't had the support that we had hoped for for one reason or another which we won't dwell on, and the fact that I have gone from the sort of thoughts I had in that sensory class to the mindset I am in today, I am actually extremely proud of myself. The way Bonnie is at the moment means I can enjoy her soooooooo much. She is my little joy, my absolute delight. 

Those first 4 months were so hard, but so worth it too. 

A.M.L 

LaLa 

x

Maternity leave

Having always worked and never had a single day of being unemployed for 14 years, maternity leave was always going to be a tricky one to get my head around. I remember being 39 weeks pregnant and being in hospital for the 3rd time in 3 weeks with heavy bleeding- I had had a 'show' every single day from 36 weeks and was having contractions every night which would get to 2 minutes apart and then stop. Although I wasn't desperate for my baby to come out ASAP, being in 'pre-labour' for 3 weeks was starting to take its toll as the contractions meant that I wasn't getting much sleep. The midwife explained to me that the reason why I was in pre labour for such a while may be because I hadn't switched off mentally- she asked me if I was relaxing and mentally taking it easy to which I replied that I was. To this my husband interrupted and told the midwife that I hadn't switched off at all- I was still working full time. The midwife for some reason was horrified and directed to my husband that I should be relaxing and should no way still be at work to which he replied that he has been saying this to me for months but I don't listen. (Which is true, I am so stubborn). I was then told that I was not going back to work, and there started my mat leave. (Bonnie came on her due date)

I think one thing people don't tell you about maternity leave is how lonely it can be. I have joined every baby group/class/club going and still I find it lonely and dare I say it- quite boring at times. At the beginning I was just so jealous that my husband got to go to work and I had to stay at home- I really struggled with the fact I wasn't working. I have to admit, I really didn't enjoy it at all until Bonnie turned 4/5 months, when her silent reflux was improving and I was starting to get more back from her- as selfish it is of me to say.  The first 3 months was an absolute blur. (And that's OK!) and in that first part of mat leave, I did find myself wondering how I was going to do this every day for 9 months. But I found that every week I have managed to use my time for the better, and the days have passed a lot more quickly- which is crazy, as at the beginning, the days were SO LONG. (Counting down the hours until my husband came home was becoming my fave past time at one point)

Another thing I was warned about but never thought would happen to me is the amount of visitors you get when you have a newborn compared to just a couple of months down the line. It's almost like they come along, get their picture with the tiny baby, post online and then disappear. Or in my case, my baby developed reflux and colic and they just weren't about being around a baby who cried all the time. The lack of support I have received from some people, even family members, has shocked me but on the other hand I have realised how great and supportive some of my friends are and I've decided to focus on them. Having a baby really shows how amazing your friends can be. Just remember the people who don't bother will get out as much as they put in. If Bonnie grows up not knowing those people that well, it's only themselves they have to blame.

So I thought I would put down some of my own maternity 'musts' that I have found so far-

My antenatal group
I have harped on about this on other blog posts and those bloody insta stories (I'm surprised people are still watching them!) but if you've got a good antenatal group together you are half way there in surviving maternity leave. They are golden.

Say 'Yes'.
To everything. Or as much as you possibly can. Before you say no, think about why you are saying it.  You've had a rough night and someone has text you to ask if you want to go to a baby group/ coffee? Just chuck some clothes on, dry shampoo your hair, don't worry about make up and go. You'll be glad you did.

Talk to that mum
So you've got your big group of friends, you're comfortable in your baby sensory group or whatever it is, you're sorted. Now go and sit next to the girl who's arrived on her own. I try to do this as much as possible- I'm lucky to know a lot of mums in the baby groups I attend, but some may not be so lucky. Chat to someone who you haven't spoken to before, and they may be really thankful you did- you may even make another good friend- and lets face it, you can't have too many mum friends on mat leave. I treated being a new mum like being the new kid at school- I used every opportunity to make new friends. The way I saw it, was I had nothing to lose. Once in Waitrose, I went up to a group of mums to ask what washing powder they used to wash their baby clothes in. They were helpful, sure. However, I don't think they wanted to be my bestest mate and that was fine. You win some, you lose some.

Walk
Everywhere! If you can avoid driving then do it. You're saving money on fuel and helping burn calories so you can have that extra big chocolate slice of cake with coffee. Today it was absolutely pissing it down all day, but that didn't stop me pulling my hood up and doing over 10k steps. It makes such a difference to your health- both mentally and physically. It also helps to fill out those really long days.

What's on
Get to know what's on in your area- there's so much to do when you really look into it- look in local papers, Facebook groups- and the good thing is a lot of groups etc are free! (Cause we all need a free class here and there- SMP will not hold us back!!!)

Enjoy
Let's be realistic here- you are not going to 'enjoy every moment' because there are some moments that aren't enjoyable at all. Some moments are really shit.  My advice would be, when life is good, your child is being amazing, just take a moment to really take it all in. Those times are just amazing they really are. Remember those times and when your partner comes home from work, tell him about those lovely moments. It's so tempting to tell your husband how stressful your day has been. Just remember they miss these nice moments you see during the day.

As always, I will be adding to this at a later date because my maternity leave isn't over yet! I am always learning which is why I will always add to my posts as time goes on.

A.M.L

LaLa x